Emotionally Bipolar

My mind is a jumble of thoughts and emotions and opinions. It’s taking time to sift through them, and one of the greatest things I am learning is to be patient with myself. I wasn’t overwhelmed in the beginning of week, but I’m there now. This is how my brain looks right now.

Beware. Most of this is just to help me process my own thoughts.

- GFDFSF…How hard can this be? I know people who do it.
- Oh crap, I can’t have ice cream from Dairy queen.
- We’re gonna be super healthy now.
- Wow, I really have to make sure I always have a snack with me in case they can’t eat anything.
- I love to bake, what do I do now?
- Hopefully my kids won’t be so hungry now because they are eating more fulfilling foods.
- When will the cravings go away?
- I wonder if this will really work?
- What do we eat for lunch?
- I need different food in my house.
- Wow, there are a lot of resources out there.
- I really hopes this works.
- Man I want an ice cream

Because I said that Paul and I were doing this, yesterday was a completely GFDFSF day, and I was pretty cranky. All I wanted to do was eat carbs. My body is addicted to the sugar in carbs and I was amazed at really how much we eat this in our house. There may be healthily food here, but its right alongside crackers and cheese, cereal, sandwiches, pasta, you name it. Which is all fine if your body can process it, but also not in moderation, your body becomes addicted to it, and we are in withdrawal. I was hungry all day, but stuck to the diet. I also had to remind myself that my children were most likely feeling the same way.

Noah asked for milk at every meal the first day, but hasn’t since. It’s been pretty great.

You know how when you’re going to buy a new car and then all of a sudden it’s the only car you see around? Or you’re pregnant and all you see is mother’s expecting? I am currently only seeing and thinking about all the things we can’t eat. All the habits we have formed around food that we have to change. When I think about our life this way, I get a little sad and maybe a little frustrated. “I can’t have… I won’t ever have_____ again, we can’t eat here_______, we have to bring our own food everywhere, how does this work when we go to other’s homes? Etc.” It also feels very heavy on my shoulders as the primary cook in our house. The only who grocery shops and clips coupons. This mountain feels huge.

What I’ve really realized in it’s truest from these past couple days is your attitude towards whatever happens to you in life is key to happiness, joy, fulfillment, and passing on the goodness of God.

If I in my current mental and emotional state continue to do life this way, I will reap a harvest of bitterness and unfulfillment. However, if I change my attitude than my family can and will embark on a wonderful adventure that will reinstate joy and peace to our house. An adventure that teaches us how to respect and love and take care of the bodies that God has given us. An adventure that will show my son that we will go to any length to love and support him. That can’t be understated.

So in my mind it has been a raging between the two attitudes. Debating between positive and negative. I do still see all the food I can’t have, but it also reminds me that Noah can’t have it either, and that’s the point. This isn’t about me. This is about my son. To love him. To support him. To walk this journey with him. I am asking him to say to his friends who bring really fun and exciting treats. This won’t be easy for him, and so I can suck up my cravings that will go away, and understand he is going through the same thing.

So, we are choosing to be positive about this. We are excited to see what happens to our health, lives, emotions, physical well being. We can do this. As of right now, I can already see a small difference in Noah. He is calmer and can take direction better. On the other hand, Caleb seems to have fallen off the emotional deep end. We will continue to be patient in our progress and see what happens. We will continue to adjust what we are eating and reading up on research and talking to people who have walked this path before us. I have felt such an overwhelming sense of support from family and friends. There are many in our little world who have gone this direction before us. I have a great handful of friends who have called, given me websites, and offered encouragement. It has felt amazing to be so loved and encouraged.

Thank you to everyone for walking with us. Tonight my homework is to make up our food diaries and behavior charts. I am doing this for all of us. In about a week I will post that as well. It is the guide to help us observe food intake and behaviors. We are in the research stage, living life and praying continually for God’s guidance.