The whole picture

I can tell that something is wrong. My oldest isn't behaving like himself. He is more intense, angry, full of rage, anxious and over protective of things. It isn't always, and I have yet to figure out what the switch is, but somehow out of nowhere, the switch gets flipped, and out goes my sweet and funny five year old, replaced by some very angry kid I don't know very well, and don't know what to do with.

This has been going on a few weeks, and truthfully I haven't any energy left for anything else. We pray, we try to stay calm, we talk, we punish, we are trying everything, and we are exhausted. When signs like this started happening a year ago, we discovered that our oldest was sensitive to artificial food coloring. It is completely out of our house now. However, my phone conversations with my mother are really starting to sound the same. He's angry and I don't know what to do. He is full of rage, and I can't take anymore.

My husband and I are looking into all sorts of options and reasons for the change in our son. There is a theory of the half year. That kids struggle more during their half year because there isn't as much attention on how big and old you are getting. They are out of whack. There is also the struggle of starting school soon. They know change is coming, they want it but don't know how to process that. There is a tight schedule for kids and in the opposite corner, the idea that kids should be free to be bored and use their imagination. There was the parents crazy schedule, but we have settled down. Then there is looking at the food you are putting into your body. That is where we are sitting right now. I am scheduling our son for an evaluation on allergies and low vitamin intake. We are also reading a ton on shepherding the child's heart, how to love the wildness in boys, dealing with parent/child power struggles.

I wish there was a book that really addressed ALL issues that affect kids. The books either claim its all health, all spiritual, or all emotional. I believe that they all work together. That's the book I want. I am conviced that each of these do NOT work seperate, but together. When one is out of balance, the rest suffers, so how come we only address one aspect of the issue in all the parenting books out there.

I miss my sweet son. I see glimpses of him, and then he is gone. We are fighting again. We are at odds. We can't figure out how to meet in the middle, but I will use every ounce of energy I have to try until we can find each other again.