A bit out of balance

I miss my husband. I am usually the one leaving my family behind and it always feels different when I am the one left behind.

Yesterday was our Sabbath. A day of rest, family time, and reconnection, but Paul wasn't here. So me being with the kids all day just feels normal. I was trying to figure out a way to make our weekend special without spending money. We were going to take a walk around a new park, or visit a pet store for fun, or something different.

Then I woke up and my baby had thrown up all over. Then after little while, she threw up all over the boys fort. Then she threw up all over me. I didn't feel much like cooking the day before so we planned on having all leftovers on Saturday. That means the sink was full of Tupperware dishes that were waiting to be washed. On my sabbath, I was now staring at a hallway full of laundry, and a sink full of dishes, a sweet baby who can't leave the house because she's sick and a cold morning. I was alone in my day and it didn't feel like rest.

There are a only a few things that really make my Sabbath really restful. No dishes, no chores, and time together as a family. I didn't want to turn my Sabbath into something legalistic. So I turned my laundry chore into a way to serve my daughter and love her through her sickness. The boys and I pulled out old toys and turned our whole living room into Gotham city which was something fun for them, even though not want I wanted. I wanted to go out and into an adventure. I had to choose to bring the adventure into our home. I made sure we all took a rest/nap then played outside for the rest of the afternoon. I got to hold my baby, which she doesn't really let me do much anymore, till she fell asleep. She slept most of the day.

Even with the good things in the midst of my day, it felt off. I felt out of balance in my day because it didn't look like it normally does. I was feeling the full weight of missing my helper and partner. I was missing the full day of rest. But I had great restful moments in my day. The boys and I had a beautiful devotional time at night before bed, and they were both asleep by 730pm. I sat there. I didn't want to check email or get on the computer. I didn't want to do laundry or dishes. All the things I am normally doing at night. This was a special day. Set apart for rest. I visited with our housemate and caught up on life. It was good, and brought renewal to my day. To share ups and downs with another believer. Then I went to bed at 1030. It was glorious and unusual.

So my Sabbath didn't last a whole day. I was missing my favorite part, my husband and reading. But God blessed me in other ways. Time with my daughter. Special play time with my kids. Wonderful devotional time and sleep.

A Sabbath is about rest. Rejuvenating life. Putting a pause button on life to remember what's most important. Even though it didn't look like it, that is what God blessed me with yesterday. Today I have been working hard on restoring our house and getting projects done because I got rest. Thank you Lord for knowing what I need.