Dunn Brothers

It was at this time last year that I was preparing to go to Haiti for my first time after the Earthquake. It had been a long hard year watching friends and relatives go while I had to stay back. Listening to their stories of helping, witnessing, rebuilding, sharing and loving on those I have come to love. In a sentence, it sucked. I mean don't get me wrong, I was happy for them, and it's not about me, but it kind of felt like it in a selfish sort of way. I really wanted to go, and having a newborn made that a little tricky. So now it was my turn. I was on my way.

I was flying standby the next morning, so the day was a day of preparation and hanging out with the kids before I left for five days. Nothing was packed yet, but I had the whole day and wasn't worried about it. Your needs are pretty small while in Haiti. Throw some skirts and T-shirts in a bag and call it good, is kind of the way I roll.

Well, I got a call saying that it would be better for me to fly out today, instead of tomorrow.

Oh...I can swing that, sure. No problem. (um...what am I thinking?)

I start making phone calls to connect with the husband. Discuss kids, meals, schedule. Got it. There will be no kiss goodbye or one last hug and be safe. This is was it. Our morning good bye was all she wrote.

Make a few phone calls to find someone to watch the kids till Paul got home. Got it.

Make a few phone calls to find a ride to the airport. Doesn't work.

Clean dishes. In my dreams.

Pick up house. Not on my life.

Grab my passport... Grab my passport.... Where is my passport? Wasn't it right here on my dresser?

I check my file folder. Not there.

I check our secret hiding spot. Not there.

I check my dresser. Not there.

I check my jewelry boxes....And then it hits me. My jewelery boxes were the only thing stolen when our home was broken into at Christmas. My jewelery boxes that housed my passport that I pulled out to travel with when Paul and I were scheduled to go to Haiti the previous month. I am two and half hours away from needing to drop my kids off at my friends house so I can travel to Haiti and I have now just discovered that I don't have a passport.

At this moment, it felt like everything in the universe was keeping me from going to Haiti. (I know its still all about me right?) My whole soul hurt. I felt defeated.

I immediately called my friend Lindsey and I'm pretty sure she thought someone had died when she picked up the phone and I was sobbing. Loudly, uncontrollably crying. I couldn't go. I wasn't going to make it again. And Linds does what she does best, she solves my problems. She discovered online that there are only a small handful of emergency passport issuing locations. Guess where there's one? Yea, that's right, Minneapolis. Downtown, five minutes from my house.

It's 1pm, and my kids are still in the pajamas, we haven't eaten lunch and I look at them and say, we have to leave...NOW. They put boots over their footy jammies, and throw on a coat and hat. It's January in MN, which means its -degree's outside at all times.

I throw some crackers and carrots in my purse and call it good. I load up the kids and we navigate our way to find the government building we are looking for.

We find it. I find street side parking. I have two quarters to pay for half an hour of parking. I drag my kids in their jammies without gloves and protective gear, and deciding to carry Little because the stroller would be too much work. What I forget is how much that girl can eat and what a tank she is. So we run to the building, we struggle with hats and coats and bags through the metal detector, and find the office.

I pick a number. I wait my turn. When my number is called, I have my paperwork filled out. I chat with the gentleman for a few minutes and it is then that he informs me that I need a photo.

OH CRAP I totally forgot about the photo!

He says I can get it taken at the downtown post office just two blocks away.

You have got to be kidding me. My kids are in sleeping gear, they haven't eaten and now I have to walk with them two blocks to get my photo taken to return to this building and wait for them to possibly issue me a new passport.

I grab the kids, we walk to the car to feed the meter. I have no more change. I drag them back inside, through the metal detectors with the coats and hats and bags. We get change. We put all said items back on. We go out side and feed the meter. Little has put on five pounds already since we started this little journey I can feel it.

We head in the direction of the post office. I can't see it, but the nice man in the government building swears its there. My kids are freezing and decide to take a stand against the mommy who did everything wrong that day. The mommy who desperately needs them to keep walking, but its windy and below freezing and they are cold and hungry. I give one glove to Big and he puts both hands in it. I give middle the other glove and he puts both hands in it. I wrap my scarf around middle to keep the wind off his face. He's my loudest screamer and complainer so I wanted to tame the beast. I give my hoodie under my coat to Big to make him feel warmer. I am now without any of these things, FREEZING my arse off, carrying my tank of a kid that is throwing my back into spasms. The kids look homeless, or like they have a mommy who doesn't have a clue, and to lift their spirits and keep the complaining at bay, I make them sing.

Yup, you heard me. I made them sing. So there we are, homeless and clueless and singing to brighten our day. I have said before that we resemble a circus and I meant it.

We made it. That two blocks felt like ten. It was more like four since I got took a wrong turn. Yes, I screwed up even two block directions, I get it, I'm not winning an award that day.

My time is quickly evaporating and the stress is becoming more real. I'm not sure I will get my passport in time to drop off my kids and make it to the airport.

When we reach the line, I notice a sign on the door that says, "photographer on break, be back in 15 min." My heart sank. I didn't have 15 min. This is also when my kids decide that they need to use the bathroom. Well, this should take 20 min. So hurry. We rush. We do it, and we are back in line. The lady showed up. I got my picture taken, and we bundled up again to make it our two blocks to see if, yes, maybe, mom can get her passport.

We are half walking, half running, I am half dragging my kids down the street. I am pretty sure I promised them all sorts of things, maybe even the moon if they could just keep up. We made it back. We go once more through the metal detectors, seriously those things are annoying, and we are in line. This is when the nice man behind the counter informs me there is a 30-60 min wait for the passport to be issued.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME? Well, we'll do our best. We have eaten our crackers and now my kids have realized that in fact, that was the worst lunch ever, and not really a lunch if you ask them. I remember there was an old Dunn Brothers on the corner where we parked.

Yes, I did. I took them outside again, and went to the coffee shop and I got them a hot chocolate and treat for letting me abuse them for the last hour. We were sweating and freezing at the same time. They have boots on with footie jammies. Their hair is unbrushed and staticy. We are a sight for sore eyes. I'm on the phone with the airlines, Paul, the cab company and possible hotels for me to stay at that night. I looked at my kids and said, "This is a fun adventure right?" They all cheered.

After we enjoyed our treats, we went back to the government building, went through the metal detectors AGAIN, and my passport was ready. We grabbed it, we ran to the car, we made it home. I think I wished my kids clothes on, because somehow they had changed, and I carefully and slowly drove them to my friends house. (wink)

I made my flight. In some act of God and wonderful miracle, I went to Haiti that day. I can write about that trip another time.

What's funny about this story is we are staying at a hotel downtown this week while they redo our ceilings from the tornado. We drove up to the hotel and my kids exclaimed, "Mama! That is where we had our adventure!"

And they were right. We are on the same block as Dunn Brothers this week.

Funny thing is, we picked this hotel for its location and full kitchen. But it also has a pool. Apparently this pool is only open on the weekend. Go figure. So I guess I'll take our already planned swimming time and we can take a walk down to Dunn Brothers.

Maybe we won't look homeless this time. Maybe I have learned something in a year.

Maybe not.

Food issues in unexpected places

Yesterday I wrote about the difficulty to live in a place of not knowing and reevaluating behaviors all the time. (I think this hits all parents.)

There was an afternoon where we had company over and Big had an episode. It was a strong flashback to days gone by, memories I would like to trade, and my responses being so far below appropriate. I was trying so hard to keep my cool, but really, really struggling. I went upstairs where our friend lives and asked him to come downstairs and take care of the kids while I found my control. I needed a couple moments to find God’s peace, seek His guidance and find my composure. I started to weep and in frustration ask “Why?” What did he eat? Would he lie about it if I asked him about school? And God quietly spoke to me, “Sometimes the why doesn’t matter or what he ate doesn’t matter. He will eat things that will hurt him. That is a fact. Things that will make him angry and loose all control. We have to teach him how to handle himself and find control even in these situations. We have to learn how to deal with it, regardless.” So from that day, we have tried to live that way.

However, I have also learned that when my gut is speaking to me, I need to listen. Sometimes the why or what does matter because the answer brings freedom and understanding and a healthier way of living.

Which brings about another story.

It was days before Christmas and small behaviors started to come out again. Constant pushing the boundaries and rules. Constant disagreement. Constant arguing. No threshold for sharing or speaking politely. Angry at the world for every little thing that doesn’t go his way. The key word here is CONSTANT.

I need you to understand that I have a strong idea of sin and knowing that it is apart of our life. Knowing that that we naturally have these tendencies, these reactions, these behaviors. They are very normal. But when my nice boy never shows up, and then, Big is distant and irritated all the time, my gut tells me something is off.

This is what it was like before Christmas. His behavior was different than if he ate something, but at the same time, something was off. Paul and I could both tell, but we had no idea where to start figuring it out. We felt lost. I don’t like asking big about what he ate every time something feels off. I don’t want it to be an excuse for him. So we patiently wait and watch and pray.

I was deeply sadden this time because we were heading down to Texas for Christmas where my mother-in-law spent the last couple weeks shopping and preparing special meals for us, and instead of taking our healed son to be with her at Christmas, we were bringing our enhanced son.

(We have started talking about Big’s responses in this way because his feelings and reactions are normal, but they come out in the most extreme way when he is filling his body with toxins. So he isn’t really crazy, his emotions, responses, lack of control are enhanced. More extreme. Get it?)

He was HIGHLY distracted on the plane. He couldn’t focus. He was angry that we weren’t going to Denver. He was on edge and distant and frustrated with us.

Christmas got a little better and then we came home. Things were starting to feel off again. Then when I was away in Baltimore speaking with my friend Henry Graf I was talking to Paul. He told me our contractor was over working and cleaning up the mess upstairs from the repairs he did to the ceiling. Then it hit me. Henry’s wife got very sick when she visited this summer because she slept next to an open piece of drywall, and she is highly allergic to wheat. Drywall has a large wheat component.

The whole ceiling upstairs was getting ripped down and rebuilt. Dust was everywhere. He wasn’t eating anything but his body was absorbing the toxins.

It is fascinating to me the body’s response to food and toxins.

Yes, we need to move forward from the reason for the behavior and work on our responses to the world and what is happening. We can try to control our behavior and responses. However, we can’t tune out completely because something might be truly be hurting you. When Big is getting filled with toxins, its like he is living half a life. He has hardly any joy, he fights with his friends and can’t focus on school. Everything we do as a family is filled with stress. So yes, I always want to keep my eyes open so that maybe I can notice if something is wrong and I can help him to the best of my ability.

I don’t know where you stand on the issue and frankly it doesn’t matter. But just as I never saw my son through the eyes of someone else who could notice behaviors, I encourage any parent who might have some doubts to pray over the situation. Teaching our kids how to control themselves is a critical life skill, however, there might be something real going on that is keeping your child from embracing their real self. I am not saying that every temper tantrum is cause for pills or a gluten free diet. Big still has temper tantrums. He’s an opinionated strong willed six year old that lives in a sinful world. It happens. But never underestimate your sixth sense, your gut. It’s always right.

So if you didn’t know…Drywall has wheat in it.

They need to work more upstairs next week to fix the mistakes they made. We are getting our insurance company to put us up in a hotel due to our issue. I sure hope that works.

And if you think I’m making this up, it has been unbelievable the difference in both my sons the last week once the cleaning company came. We knew something was up, but we couldn’t figure it out. Another lesson learned in our adventure.

The spectrum

I’ve heard it twice now.

The spectrum.

People refer to this when they are talking about Autism.

It’s the Autism spectrum.

This means that there are all levels and all reflections of this issue and each has its name from classic Autism to Aspergers to ADD and ADHD to Sensory disorders.

I wouldn’t have put my son on this level. In fact I wasn’t looking, wasn’t paying attention and it was even suggested to be by a friend. I was thrown off and put off that someone would think something was wrong with my son.

He was just an active boy.

He has always been full of energy.

He was curious and asked tons of questions.

He gets angry because he’s tired.

He pushes all my buttons because he’s my kid.

He questions all my decisions because we taught him to have a voice.

He yells and screams because he learned it from us.

He cries a lot because he is very sensitive and emotional.

He can’t hear me because he’s focusing.

He couldn’t do martial arts because it was new to him and he’s just young.

I had a reason for each behavior. Please hear me that I’m not saying that any of these above reasons weren’t or aren’t true. My point is I wasn’t looking for a diagnosis for my son. I wasn’t looking for medical clues to his behavior. I was just looking at my son.

If he were tested, he may fall into one of these categories. I’m not confident in that statement, but when I know how he responds to eating food he shouldn’t, I can see many of these qualities in him. The only thing we know for sure according to doctors is that he has leaky gut. What I know in my gut is that he would be on the spectrum.

When I knew that he was probably on the spectrum, I all of a sudden saw him different. Almost like there was something wrong with him. He “had” something. Please forgive this statement because I don’t look at other children that way, I never have, but when it’s your own child, I think this is a natural first reaction.

I was looking at him as a kid “with” something instead of just my kid. I hated this even more.

I find I am talking about this in past and present tense because it was something I felt, but still experience as it sneaks up on me. It sneaks up on me because I don’t know how to live in this space of just looking at my son for who he is, and yet keeping half an eye open to his behavior and trying to figure it out or navigate my way through more issues. (I don’t assume that even though we have come this far, that we are quite done yet. The body is complicated and fascinating.)

How do just look at my son and not his behavior when he is always behaving? Behaving good, behaving badly, behaving badly, behaving tired, behaving with a giving spirit, behaving with a sad spirit, behaving cranky. I have to look at the behavior but not make it about food or his brain, or his stomach all the time.

I don’t know how to do this.

I don’t know how to look at him and not his issue.

I don’t know how to look at his issues and separate it from him.

Most of the time I just feel exhausted as we navigate our way through food issues. And even while we navigate through one child, there is still the other one who has severe wheat and peanut issues. It presents itself on his skin and in his behavior.

I don’t know how to do this. How to figure out what’s going on with my child and help him along the way.

I hope I get better at this.

I have a dream

Thank you Martin Luther King Jr.

Thank you for a being a voice for so many.

Thank you for having a vision and a dream.

Thank you for giving others a vision and a dream.

Thank you for standing up.

Thank you for your faith.

Thank you for acting out in faith.

Thank you for dedicating your life for others to live.

Thank you for being an inspiration.


But I hope that we can live up to your dream. I hope the everyday people of this world can live in your dream and fight for your dream and be a voice for that dream.

I hope that everyday people don't just leave it up to you. Or Bono. Or the Jolie/Pitts. Or President Carter. Or President Clinton. Or missionaries. Or pastors. Or gang leaders. (Yes I believe they are trying to fight for a dream, just in the wrong way, the only way they know how.) Or celebrities. Or government officials. Or NGO's. Or non-profits. Or your neighbor.

I have found that often times I leave the responsibility to make the world a better place or live differently to inspire others, or to truly make a difference up to others. I leave it up to the people who have the money to do it. The time to do it. The education to do it. The desire to give their lives to the cause. I mostly leave it up to others because even though I want things to be better, I don’t know where to start, or I honestly am just too lazy to do it, clinging to all my tried and true excuses.

I believe that what Rev. King was trying to do was empower the average person to live differently. To live outside of their prejudice. To turn away from hate and embrace love. To hold their tongue when only destructive words were going to come out. To pray to the almighty God for strength to change their dark hearts and hard habits. To live in big life changing moments in our ordinary days.

But that takes active participation on our part. We have to engage in being the difference. We have to do our part.

A speaker I heard once said, “The need is the call.” What this meant to me was that all throughout our day we are presented with needs. There are people in our everyday lives who desperately need us to intervene. God needs us to intervene, to be apart of bringing love into this place. Where the prayer says, “Thy kingdom come…” we are able to bring small glimpses, diving moments of the holy into this place. To be apart of the dream.

So I challenge myself…Where in my life can I bring divine moments into ordinary life? Where can I serve my family? Where can I heal my neighbors? What can I do to love a stranger? A co-worker? A kid? The elderly? My enemy. The person I don’t notice?

I want to live in the dream.

I want the dream in my heart.

I want to be an inspiration for others to live the dream.

I want to teach my kids to be the dream.

Haiti two years later

I wasn't there.

I was preparing to be there. I had all my bags packed. I had dropped off my kids at my folks home in Detroit. I had money. I had supplies. I had a team ready to go. I was driving on the interstate through downtown Chicago with Rachel, the other leader of the team and fellow board member of the Haiti Mission Project. We got the call from our friend Andy.

There's been a 7.2 earthquake in Haiti.

I thought I didn't hear him right. You meant a Hurricane right?

No.

We had no details right away. All we knew is that we had a dear friend and fellow board member on the ground in there. We have friends, long time friends that have become family to us down there. We have compassion children there. We have partners there. We have a history there. We have a life there.

Two years almost to the month previous, Rachel and I were leading a team and I was driving down the same interstate when Andy called then to report massive rioting in the streets due to no food. Our trip was cancelled then. I had dread in my heart. I had fear in my mind. I had anxiety running through every cell of my body.

I couldn't drive us fast enough to Rachel's apartment where we could turn on the TV. And that is where we sat for the next four days. We sat glued to our TV. We sat, both of us with computers in our laps. Sitting next to each other, not really talking. Just looking. Watching. Waiting. And then we would cry. We would hold hands and we would cry. We would ask empty questions. We wondered. We prayed. We hoped. And then we read more. We watched more.

(I have to give a wonderful shout out to my parents who kept the kids for the next few days so we could figure out a plan. Because she had them, I was able to immerse myself in the news. I could dedicated all of my attention to what was happening. Thank you Mom and Dad for that gift.)

That night of the earthquake we knew in our hearts that our trip was cancelled. First you go through the mental shift of, can we get in? What do we do if we get in? What do we bring supply wise? And can I still go even though I am seven months pregnant.

We spent that first night trying to locate our people down in Haiti. Are they alive? Are they OK? We were reassured they were. We were fielding all sorts of question, emails, voice mails about if people we knew, contacts we had. We spent days answering everyone we could and finding and delivering information as best we could.

After we knew that first night that our people were alive, we then needed to call airlines, Embassy's, churches, team members, family members all to figure out if our team was still going in.

The airlines and government said no. Not for weeks.

Some team members really struggled and claimed that we were being cowards by walking away and not going when Haiti needed us the most. This was probably the hardest part to digest because it voiced my inner fear. I know what that felt like. I wanted to find a way in. I was hearing of other groups chartering planes in. Going in through the DR. Getting military planes, even getting to the DR with a plan of just walking across the boarder and hitching a ride. People were finding any way possible to go and help. And we were staying put. It was SO HARD to sit by and not help.

But we had to stop and think things through. There was rubble everywhere. Millions were lost and homeless. What they needed was medical care, fluent creole speakers, bulldozers and cranes with machine workers, Counselors. They didn't need us taking up space and supplies with very little training and aid.

The best way to help Haiti was to stay put. The hardest part of helping Haiti, was staying put.

So we didn't. The Haiti Mission Project (HMP) got fire under our feet and in one week we put together the Haiti Relief Benefit concert. We were one of the very first relief organizations to put a fundraiser together. We had inside venues to deliver money. We could bypass large organizations where money gets stuck to red tape and we could gather funds and deliver. And so we did.

I was proud of the HMP in that moment, and how much money we raised. I was excited to see how the funds were supporting building projects, medical relief and individual families in the years after the quake. But this post isn't about that.

Life changed forever that day. For the country of Haiti. For all those who didn't know she existed and now do. And for all of those who have loved her for a long time.

I wasn't there that day, but it changed me. It made me aware that we can't measure what God does in just one moment, because even in one moment, he is doing many different things. I have learned to be thankful in all circumstances and trust that God is faithful to his creation. He is faithful to deliver. He is faithful to listen. He is faithful in love. He is faithful in compassion. He is faithful in healing.

My story in this is not powerful. But there are many stories worth reading and I hope you will take the time to read these stories and maybe continue reading about their ongoing dedication to Haiti and her people.

We can't forget.

Joanna serves with the HMP and was in country when the earthquake happened. This was her blog. January 2010 On the side of her site is her calendar. Click back to Jan. or forward to Feb. and read more about her thoughts post quake.

The Livesays are a family living down in Haiti and I hope you can take the time to read their account of the Earthquake. Their voice and their pictures will capture your heart.

Dr. Jen worked with Joanna and the Livesays after the quake and still. Here is her account.

Thank you for reading.

Thank you for praying.

Thank you for giving generously.

Please remember that our lives can be apart of the restoration meant for all mankind if we live intentionally. Living intentionally means to not forget. Do not forget the hardships that others live in and the blessings we live with. To live with a heart for others rooted in Christ. To learn to be moved by the Spirit where he is leading us to care for others.

To the people of Haiti, I love you. Your spirit and dedication of strength in struggle is an inspiration. You have little and yet your spirit is strong. You remain in my prayers. You remain in my conversations that advocate for better living conditions. You remain in my heart and soul. You are not forgotten.

Jesus' many super powers

In the car earlier, middle asked out of the blue,

"What super power did Jesus use on the cross?"

What brilliant response was, "What do you mean?"

"I mean he could have flown away, but he didn't. He could have battled all those guys but he didn't, so what super power did he use?"

I thought for a moment and said,

"Obedience. Jesus' super power on the cross was listening and obeying to his Father to stay on the cross so that we would all be healed. His super power is obedience."

Huh...

That one had me thinking me the rest of the day. Thinking and being grateful and trying to do as Jesus did.

Never underestimate the power of obedience.

I wonder

It's funny, I have a thousand things in my head that I want to say, but I'm never really sure what to share with you. I don't know why you read the blog, I don't know what things about our life that mean the most to you.

When so much time goes by, because life is what it is, and I choose my family and cooking over you, I am left with dozens and dozens of things to share from the last few weeks, but I don't know where to start.

I am not a food blog.

I am not a crafting blog.

I am not a parenting blog.

I am not a devotional blog.

I am not a ministry blog.

I am not a political blog.

I am not a reduce, reuse, recycle blog.

I am not a GF blog.


I don't know what I am.


I guess currently, I am having an identity crisis and don't know where to start with you the reader.

Christmas, New Years, traveling, meltdowns, spiritual awakenings, food revelations, recipes, crafts, life, frustrations, speaking at youth events, revelations all have happened in the last couple weeks, but I don't know which piece of this puzzle I call my life that you are interested in.

Most of the time, in true confession, lately, I think I don't really even understand the point of my blog. What is so unique about what happens in my life that is worth mentioning to others? My life feels very normal and similar to so many I know, so why would you want to read about it?

Alright, I feel like putting that out there at least allows me the freedom to just start anywhere.

Unless you can tell me, why do you read my blog?

Saying good bye to our tree (and a hard year)

We wanted one more night with our Christmas tree. We love our Christmas tree (OK, I know I do, so I'll speak for myself.) and we especially love our house at Christmas. We knew we would be taking our tree down the next day so we wanted one more special evening.

After we watched football and dinner was all cleaned up, we turned all our lights off and sat by the twinkling of our tree. Our Batman toys were near by and so was the flashlight so we started first by having a hoppin dance party where Little was amazingly impressive with her moves and facial expressions. (Seriously, that girl has some swinging hips and she likes to use them. Just. to. funny.) We sang jingle bells while the kids danced and found their favorite Batman toys. Then we played batman for a little while, just the five of us, the flashlight and twinkling Christmas tree. It was so great, and its the kids favorite thing to do, and I think they liked that both Paul and I were playing with them. That is a bit more rare. Once we all settled down and snuggled on the floor we sang "Silent Night".

We had kind of been disconnected all day. We had friends over, the TV was on, chores were getting done, but then we paused everything and came together. (never underestimate the power of erasing a bad day with intentional time with the kiddos.) We took time to have a moment together. To hold on the last affect of our tree and its magic and its power. We looked at our ornaments, we sat still, we snuggled, we hugged, we giggled, we came together. We put everything else aside and said, for this moment in time, nothing else matters except each other. It was wonderful.

(My husband has to laugh at me and how everything has a bit of tradition into it. He probably thought we were just going to take the tree down, and then I turned into this, "We have to have a moment." I need moments for everything it seems!)

I am sad to see our tree go. Sad to say goodbye to all the magic Christmas brings. But at the same time, I welcome the normal rhythms of life to come back again. This year has been crazy for us. Our oldest was at his worst struggling point this time last year. We had four months of crying, yelling, screaming, struggling, talking, crying, yelling, crying, and then our diet changed. Then a tornado hit. Then we traveled for a month. Then the diet changed again. Then we started a new job and new school. Then we took a breath.

It's been a big year and we need some of our rhythms back. Our weekly meetings. Our Friday night family night. Our Saturday Sabbath. Our prayer time over the kids. A workout routine. A weekly meal plan. So many healthy habits have fallen to the wayside to make room for survival. (Which is funny since these things only enhance and make survival actually possible.) But we welcome them. We need them. We say bring it on.

Welcome 2012. With you we hope to find our discipline for life again. We hope to find fulfillment again. We hope to see the benefits to all of our relationships that intentional planning can bring.

We hope for a fruitful year. And selfishly, a slightly easier year.


This is not our tree, but here is my family on Christmas Eve at my in-laws down in Texas. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year!

A new family tradition

There are some things we love about Christmas:

Caroling
Looking at Christmas lights
Homemade gifts
Friends and family

This year we are starting a new tradition. In effort to save time, create great memories and put a focus on sharing with others, we decided to combine all these things we enjoy about Christmas together.

For the last couple weeks, the kids and I have been making small tokens of love and appreciation to our friends here in the cities. We like doing this because it isn't the size or price of the gift, but it is a small piece of our time, effort, and heart.

Yesterday at about 3:30 in the afternoon we loaded up our gifts, packed a snack and set out on our family Christmas adventure.

Here are the warm and fuzzies from yesterday:
* All three of my kids wearing their Nana's homemade knitted owl hats lined up in the back seat like sitting ducks.

* Listening to great Christmas music in the car and hearing the kids sing a long while we drive from house to house.

* Teaching the kids new vocabulary words and hearing them trying to use it in a sentence. "Our house is abturt." I think he meant absurd.

* Singing songs on the steps of our friends houses, of which some we surprised and they didn't know we were coming. Those were the best!

* Visiting with a whole different assortment of friends that warm the heart and remind you that God lives fully in so many people.

* Watching my kids Christmas Carol in their Batman and Iron man costume. I don't know if they are confused about Holidays or just really hate their clothes, but more than one person commented on our parental lack of ability to dress our kids.

* The treat from the advent calendar yesterday was glow sticks, which worked out perfect for our adventure. Once it grew dark outside, we were impressed by the light show outside with Christmas lights, and the lighsaber battles inside the car. I don't know which lighting show won.

* Hearing my kids yell, "This song is my favorite!" to EVERY Christmas song on the radio.

* Holding my husbands hand while our kids laugh, sing, yell, squeal, tell stories three octaves louder than all other normal humans. They get that from me, and Paul doesn't find it endearing.

* While going to deliver presents, we ended up being surprised ourselves with homemade crochet earrings, (seriously amazing and so jealous I didn't think of it first!), Captain America toys, (for the boys, not me), and two heavenly bottles of wine. Who knew we would come home with goodies? That was a super fun surprise.

* My husband and I looking at each other at one point in the evening and without using words, we both understood that this was the best tradition to start and we will be keeping this idea for the future.

These are my reality moments from the evening:

* The fact that my kids have slept and still worn the same costumes for about a week, even under their uniform at school, says something about their general smell when you get close and hug.

* Little having a 101 temp and we still dragged her all around town. That girl had sad, sleepy and sick eyes all at the same time. We should have been reprimanded for taking her out, but somewhere deep down, I think she still liked it.

* Driving around and amongst the Christmas lights, we still live in the ghetto damaged by a tornado, so the boards on houses, the debris, the random crap in people's yards were still very evident. We were going for a hallmark moment/evening with our kids, and I think we got the knockoff version, but we still liked it.

* The fact that my kids had a cup of water and half a piece of squash bread for dinner. Do I need to say more about my lack of attention to my children's welfare? In my defense, they never complained or said they were hungry.

* The boys got two different Captain America toys, and of course, there was one very special coveted CA who both the kids needed to have. Thus, ensuring the constant nagging and debating on who's turn it was to play with it, and the constant reminder to share was on all of our lips for the reminder of the evening.

This evening was really special to us. It was a family adventure sprinkled and scattered with amazing people thrown in. We got to sing carols, (at one point we even did the Jingle Bells, Batman smells. yea I let them do that.) and we are not very good at singing. That became very clear to me, but it was super fun. One time Paul and I tried to throw a cookie exchange/caroling party in our hood, and when we went out to carol, NO ONE came to the door. We even had people turn their lights off and pretend they weren't home. It was really sad, so we hadn't tried since. Going to people's homes you know worked much better. We got to deliver small tokens of love that we made which satisfied our longing to love others and respect our income and means. We made memories as a family. We dreamed about where we could put up lights next year when we have gutters, maybe a tree and a fence or a bush. Right now we got nothing. A whole lot of nothing, but that's OK, we are claiming to be energy efficient. And hopefully somewhere along the way, we brought joy to our friends homes and lives even just for a moment. We shared in love and joy and celebration of Christ's birth and celebrated what the holiday is really about.

It is my new favorite tradition.

Merry Christmas.

Oh, and to those of you whom we love in the cities and didn't get to come visit, I am deeply sorry, we couldn't hit everybody, and I made a promise to stop making presents so I could enjoy the season, so we will have to share the joy sometime soon.

Squash Bread

Rarely can I find a recipe that fits all of our requirements, dietary restrictions and personal taste included, so I often look at something and think, how can I make this that fits our needs? I am also always looking for ways to use up ingredients that I only partially used in another recipe.

On Thanksgiving I made this delicious Gluten-Free Zucchini Bread. We all loved it. Well, I don't have zucchini in my house right now, but I do have half a steamed butternut squash.

Last week we had butternut squash risotto, one of my favorite meals of all time. I only use half the squash to make it last longer, and my kids are more prone to eat it if the ratio is half risotto to half or less squash. Instead of baking the other half of the squash, my really smart friend Kristy Grannis recommended cutting it into bite size pieces, adding just a thin layer of water on the bottom of the sauce pan and steaming the squash. The water in the bottom of the pan can be the liquid to mash the squash and you throw no water away. No vitamins or minerals wasted. How smart is she? I like her. Thank you Kristy.

So I took this great recipe from The Gluten Free Goddess and adapted to my needs and to the ingredients on hand. Here is our recipe:

Squash Bread

Mix dry ingredients together
1 cup sorghum flour
1/2 cup tapioca flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon xanthan gum
1/2 teaspoon unrefined sea salt
2 tablespoons cinnamon (I always increase this in my recipes.)

Add in the following and mix together
3/4 cup honey (or maple syrup or agave)
1/3 cup light olive oil or coconut oil
1 teaspoon fresh lemon or lime juice
2 egg whites
1/4 cup rice/almond/coconut/soy milk (I use whatever I have on hand)

1/3 cup walnuts (I like them for their nutritional value) Omit if you can't have them, or add raisns.
small handful of Enjoy Life chocolate chips to sprinkle on top (incentive for my kids to eat it, though they liked the flavor anyway.)

Put in a bread pan and bake at 350 degrees for 45-55 minutes.



Here's our new version of an old favorite that is Gluten/dairy/sugar free. It tastes great and my kids love it. I doubled the recipe to use up all the squash and we are freezing some for after the holidays.

So here is another way to use up your squash from your garden. My kids won't eat squash soup yet, so I'm trying to be creative. Here they get squash and walnuts plus no sugar. Bonus on lots of levels.

Enjoy!

I hope your little helper is as cute as this one.

Talking about sex

So I was asked to speak about Self Image and Sex tonight at a church.

Just to let you in a little secret, I don't talk about these things. Not in a "it makes me uncomfortable, and I have 12 year old's sense of humor so I can't talk about it", but in a "I haven't found an appropriate stage for this conversation, so I don't want to talk about it" kind of way.

People joke that as a woman speaker, this is what I should be speaking about, but it's never been my thing. I don't promote this talk in any of my PR, but I also won't say no if someone really wants to me to do it.

Until now. I think I found my limit and I will say no from here on out.

This is what I realized tonight.

The church shouldn't address the issue of sex with a wide audience of students. I just believe that each of those students are coming from such a different place and the topic is so broad that it is impossible to communicate what you want and address the actual topics the students want and need to know about. Then you are left with a broad and general response to something so deeply personal. Thus the church really hasn't addressed any issue.

Students are ranging from not even being interested, to maybe working up the courage to talk to the person they aren't even sure how they are feeling about. You might even have students who have committed their first kiss being on their wedding day. Then you have the students that want to hold hands and sit on each other's lap and they get excited when the person they like is around. Beyond that you have students who are feeling pressured into intimate touching, or oral sex and sex. On the even darker side you have STD's, rape of all kinds, sex parties, abuse, abortion, teen pregnancy, porn, masturbation, and sex trafficking.

That's just the physical stuff. What about guilt, shame, abandonment, low self esteem, excitement, fear, joy, fulfillment, adoration, love, lust... the list goes on.

Now what about the media, social pressure, peer pressure, movies, music, TV, magazines, and all the things they have to say, persuade, or lead you to believe about the issue. Shouldn't we shed some light on those issues?

All these issues are wrapped up on in just one word... sex. I didn't even touch body image.

So how in our right mind can we as adults in the church expect to communicate effectively about this issue to a large audience of students (and maybe their parents) on this very intense, deeply complicated issue?

We do it one on one or in very small groups that are made up of same sex and age or experience, which seems kind of unlikely.

Tonight I tanked as a speaker. I felt all over the board, I felt shallow and surface, two things I HATE being when I am on stage. But I looked out at the audience and saw little boys. Truly, little boys who just want to play cops and robbers, and grown up girls with makeup and pierced ears. I saw parents and little girls who still play with barbie, and the middle school jock who is too cool to care or listen. I looked out and thought, each of you needs something different. Each of you has different experiences and questions, and now I am going to be that chick who says, wait until your married, period without even digging deeper.

I heard that when I was younger, and when the cute boy looked my way, I didn't care what they said in church.

So how do you effectively talk about sex?

I don't know. That's why I'm not going to anymore. I'll leave it to the experts. Unless you want me to come to an intense personal low key weekend retreat where I get small group time with an other adult and students, then I'll do it. We'll get to the real stuff quick and bring Jesus along with us.

Man I really didn't do well tonight and that is hard for me to accept, but I know it's because this issue is too big for one session, and that's all I had.

Now that my rant is done, please understand that anytime we as believers can encourage young people to abstain from sex outside of marriage, I think we should. Do I believe that God works even in my weakness and my perceived failure, absolutely. If these are the only times that churches can orchestrate a time to talk about sex, then take what you can get. But might I suggest, pick one or two of these issues to pin point and dig deep. Group your kids to be with other kids their own age so the topic is relevant to them. Set this time up for success for them.

But why don't we all just embrace the fact that maybe we could talk about it more in our daily life with the young people who trust us. They have to get their information from somewhere. Be their source of information and trust and respect. Hear their issues and lift them up in prayer. Guide and counsel them in the way of the word. And love them even when they make mistakes. Or encourage them in wise choices.

Three days later: Its been interesting to see people's response to this post. Just to clarify, I am fine talking about sex, I just need to know what piece of this huge complicated puzzle you want me to address and to what specific group of people. I am not uncomfortable talking about sex or talking in front of large groups, this evening did reveal to me though how broad and wide the range of this issue is and how we can't communicate all the things the students need to know in one night. I was finally able to put words to my frustrations. I am thankful for that, but wish I had been in a better mental place when presenting and had already sorted all of this out. If you end up talking with students about sex, make sure you know where they are coming from first, and figure out what they are needing to know.

Presents with purpose

This is really funny that I am doing this now, considering my last post, but judge if will.

I had a friend request six of the Haitian bracelet I sell when I go and speak for Christmas gifts for her nieces and nephew's. I thought, what a great idea!

So I wanted to post some pictures and let you all know that if you are looking for a great gift idea for someone you love, someone you just need to buy for, or a white elephant gift, consider purchasing a bracelet from Haiti made by dear friend Tijean.

Tijean and I met when I was 22 years old, and he quickly found his way into my heart. Tijean is a dedicated student, working very hard to complete his education, and is a recent owner of a cyber cafe in Haiti where the money he makes helps support his family.


Here is Tijean this past January when I was in Haiti.

TiJean and I went into business together last year. He and the friends he employs makes bracelets for me by the hundreds, and I sell them wherever I am traveling and speaking. I purchase the bracelets from him a fair rate and split the profit. It has allowed me to participate in a continuing effort to supply income and work to one little family in Haiti.

TiJean is a tremendous young man and disciplined and faithful business partner. It is an honor to work with him, and a joy to call him my friend.

If you are interested in ordering, please go to my website, www.danitietjen.com and email me how many you would like, where to mail them to, and color preference. Each bracelet is $5 and worth every penny.







Sorry they are a little fuzzy but you get the idea. Tijean also employs his friends to hrlp create an income for more families.

If you are looking for a way to give a gift with purpose, that is homemade and benefits the international community, this bracelet is the perfect gift.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Shopping

The last two weekends have been rough and full of cranky kids, cranky husband and cranky me. The last two weekends we have gone Christmas shopping.

One thing our family does is tries to encourage the kids to think about what they want to give for Christmas as well, so that the holiday always serves as a platform for them to think of others. We usually take two weeks out in Dec. to construct and create all of the kids gifts by hand, so we aren't spending more money, but they are still giving and reusing materials. It teaches them it isn't just about receiving, but also giving. And then truly it isn't even really about that is it? Its about remembering a birth. It's about Hope. It's about Love. Its about Immanuel, God with us.

For the last week, my kids have been melting crayons, we have been making T-shirt bags, painting canvases, gluing and writing Christmas cards, baking granola. It's been fun projects to do together and they are proud of the gifts to give, but it's still been all about presents, whether giving or receiving, whether earth friendly or not.

My husband and I, in an effort to actually mail out presents on time this year, (they aren't wrapped or mailed yet so we don't have a lot of hope) have shopped the last two weekends to get everything finished. We have dragged three cranky kids to malls and stores, we have issued threats, had time outs, bought presents we weren't even thrilled about that I know I'll need to return, we missed a meal, we prayed for help, we screamed our head off at the thought of being in a cart again,(no that wasn't me, but I did receive all the dirty looks at my freakshow of a daughter and her ability to hit only Maria Carey notes) and we turned an opportunity for family fun and productivity into a huge cranky mess. The last two Sunday's, we have sat around our table and looked at each other and have said, "Not our best day. What was our problem?" To which one of my kids would reply, "you made me mad today." And I would say, "yea I know. you made me mad today too." "yeah, I know" was the answer I got. We would chuckle a little at our mess of a day and say, "better tomorrow"!

See the stress for my husband and I is that we do one present for each person we buy for including our kids. Our kids get new PJ's on Christmas eve, one present from us and one from Santa, so officially they do get three presents, two being toys. When you limit yourself to only two presents, which I love by the way, it creates a new mental breakdown when you are trying to get something that you know your kid wants, yet, stays in your price range, while also trying to get them something that maybe they didn't know they wanted, but you know they will love. The match between desire, price, and time makes it extra hard to shop. My husband and I HATE spending money on presents, just to have a present, we want it to be a good, thoughtful, useful present. For aunts, uncle's, grandparents and kids, you only get one present so you want to make it count.

We've never had a lot of money, and this year with our new diet restrictions, money is even tighter, which makes Christmas feel extra hard. Our kids are older, and very aware and bright. I just wonder if this is the Christmas they discover, since they can compare notes with other kids at school, how lame their parents really are. That pressure gets to me. I hate that its there, I hate that I can see it and feel it and that I am tempted to buy into it.

This year, so many people helped my little family in such big ways. My heart is still overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends and neighbors and church. I have been trying to make Christmas presents, truly just small tokens of gratitude, to give to people this year for Christmas. I want to, but yet, now there is this pressure to keep crafting and making long into the evening to get it done.

My husband and I pulled out all of our presents tonight to take inventory and see where we were at, and we looked at each other, neither being overly excited about the "system" of presents. Unhappy at our lack of funds, remembering our own childhood and bringing our own expectations to the table, each having our own desire for what we want Christmas to be, and what we teach our children Christmas is. It was confusing and hard, and now I have a bunch of present to wrap. So even though, we made it through the buying and deciding, there is now wrapping.

That's when it creeped up on me. Even in our greatest effort, to reduce the gifts, reuse and make our own gifts, teach about giving to our children, presents have become a huge distraction. We've tried to make the distraction spiritual and holy, but its still a distraction. One that creeps up on you and takes precious time away from focusing on what Christmas really is. Today in the message at church we were looking at the slow and steady decline into sin. The picture of how to boil and cook a frog was used. The song with the line, "people don't crumble in a day" was used. We take baby steps away from God and towards something else, until we suddenly realize we are lost.

I have gotten lost. I have turned my good intention, my desire to thank those who mean so much to me, and my children away from what really matters. I have slipped into the dark side of Christmas. My only moment of peace today was when we were doing our devotion and singing "Away in the Manger" and "Silent Night". It was when we were focused on the sustaining love of God and His immense dedication to help us out of sin and hurt and pain.

So with my new found clarity, I want to spend the rest of my Christmas season focused on one thing. I will wrap the presents I have, and mail, hopefully the ones I have purchased, but the rest will wait till after Christmas.

My husband and I have found that after we do something together, whether it be a holiday, party, get together, or even seasons of our life, we look at one another and say, "OK, how did that go? What went well? What went bad? What won't do again next year?" Last year we stripped a lot out of our schedule with this evaluation process and have been much happier since.

I already know what my answer will be for next Christmas,

No more Christmas letter, but maybe an Easter letter.

Christmas will also not be the time when I thank people and want to give them a token of my love and appreciation. I will be a random day to be celebrated each year where I can take my time creating and crafting my thank you presents. I will have less stress and more time to focus on Christ at Christmas.

Downsize the amount of people we buy presents for.

I have to figure out where crafting with my kids for their presents comes in. Maybe we have have a crafting camp week some time in the summer and do it all then, that way we still have time to keep the focus on what really matters at Christmas.

Christ. Hope. Love. Redemption. Forgiveness.

Man I had lost myself this year. I didn't even realize it until I wrote this. Now all of my confusion and crankiness makes sense. It wasn't obvious to me at first because I thought we were being honorable in how we approached it, dealt with it, and didn't go into debt over it, but IT was still taking all our time, focus, and energy, and thus being our Christmas idol. We say NO MORE.

With clarity, I am now free.

One of my deepest struggles

You haven't heard from me because the only thing consuming my time is reading the Hunger Games. I don't know what the purpose of the book is. If it was purely a book for pleasure or did the author have a reason for what she wrote about. Did it have to do with how you can't help whom you love, or does it have to do about social justice, government involvement, or moving a generation of younger readers to desire to fight for their own future. I don't know and I haven't spent anytime searching out interviews, because my own reaction is still hard enough to sift through.

If you haven't read the Hunger games, I don't know if I would give anything away really, but you may want to stop reading.

There is an onslaught of emotions in this book and it has stirred up long time feelings in me. I had just come to peace with my life. I had just resolved to be thankful and grateful for this time with my kids when they are young. That although I have a desire to do more, travel and participate in eliminating discrimination, war and hunger with the lack of schools, this is where I need to be right now. My children are only young once and they need our training to be prepared. I could finally accept that raising my children to be aware of these things and to give them a heart for all people is a gift in that fight as well. That in a few short years they will have their own lives to live and my influence and direction only lasts for so long.

As I look at this previous paragraph it makes me chuckle in sarcasm as I think how in the world have I done anything to communicate my heart for less war and selfishness and destruction on our planet. But then I realize it is at the source of why I become unhappy. Because my hidden desire to participate in the fight for the goodness of man is always put away on the back shelf loosing its place in my life to prepare meals, clean up after meals, shop for food for the meals, do laundry, picking up toys, cleaning up spills and trying to raise my kids and see my husband. It makes me feel like a fake saying I care about these things at all because I see no proof of it in my daily life. That statement alone brings me to tears. I feel like a sell out. I feel like a fake. I feel overwhelmed. I wonder where there is time to care about these things when my current life feels overwhelming. Food and the effects of food have overtaken my existence and has left me empty in my desire to help others.

This trilogy brought the injustice of the poor and the downright need to fight against the system slamming into the forefront of my thoughts and my heart. Thoughts I used to have and fights I wanted to fight before that are now covered in dust. It has unsettled me and left me wondering and questioning how I can go forward and which step I take to start participating again in the fight against injustice.

It then becomes my indecision that cripples me from doing anything. I become the thing I speak against and I almost don't know how to fix that. I speak all over the country encouraging students and adults alike to be not be overwhelmed with the whole of the world and its needs, but take it one step at a time, one need at a time, and in that we bring more love into our world truly allowing it to change the hearts of others. Taking my own advice of one small good deed, one need at a time seems small and trite, though I know with my whole soul it is not, I can not fend off the taunting little voice inside me that says I was made to do more.

Maybe it’s a dream or a wish, but I always connect to or want to be the person in the story who was turned into a leader. Who could rally hundreds and thousands of people to the fight against the one who causes the injustice. Or to be the person who could sacrifice everything to stand out and make a difference. I don’t know that I really am that person, but I want to be. I dream I could be. Maybe. Even saying that feels pompous and arrogant, but if I could have a dream, I would want to be the person who inspires others and advocates and fight for a real change that makes the world better for all who live in it.

Some would say it is a question of identity, but I know who I am. It becomes far less about who you are, but it does beg the question, what do I do with who I am? The question plagued Katniss, “What do I do?” How do I respond to all the selfish acts that are destroying people’s lives? Do you sit by or do you act in the rebellion and fight for what is right? How do I help against the systems that destroy people? Systems that keep the poor poor. Take small children and turn them into solders. Take young girls and sell them for sex. Allow women who speak out of turn to be burned as a lesson. Allow poisons to be put in our food and turn us all into cancer patients killing us off slowly. Systems where the rich get richer off the poor mans labor. Where people will lie, steal kill and destroy innocents than to admit they are wrong.

I heard a song yesterday and I just kept singing this one line over and over while I let the tears fall, “Is love alive. Is love alive. Is love. Alive.” Yes I believe that in small ways it is, but what I wept over was truly wondering if love was alive in the government, within the leaders of not only the country but the world. Those making the choices that directly affect us, living under their systems. I believe that answer is no.

My mind has not just been unsettled; it has been at war with itself. My thoughts are consumed around that question, “What do I do?” The hard thing about living in our time of technology is that we are all very well aware of the injustices going on around the world. No you won’t see it on your TV which is overwhelmed with reality television, which is another system I would love to fight, but its there, online, in magazines, and on certain news stations. We can’t claim ignorance anymore.

Can we just sit by or can we do something.

And what is that something.

And can we really pull it off.

I loved the hunger games, but I don’t know what to do with the effects it’s had on me.

DISCLAIMER*** If you know me than you know that I am a big believer in seeing a need and meeting a need and watching how that makes a difference. I support all sorts of local organizations that are feeding the poor, giving clothes to the homeless and counseling and basic needs to VETS, orphans, and single families as well as sick and mistreated people. I support and believe in what meeting people’s immediate needs means to them and to the system. What I want is a bigger fight. I want to see policies change. I want to see government make choices made that are right for people, not for themselves. Not just our country, but each country in his own right. I am coming from a place of being worn down by brokenness. The effects of sin and how it steals life from us has seemed overwhelming as of late.

Bible based advent Calendar

So for the last two years I have wanted to have an advent calendar that looks at the Old Testament prophesies and how they are fulfilled by Christ the Messiah. I also saw this really fun idea of using lost mittens as a way to package small gifts, so I decided to marry the two ideas.

Here is what I came up with.



So I took some of my T-shirt yarn, (I have cut pieces of my old T-shirts and stretched it out to use for projects and Jewelry.) You can use whatever you have on hand, string, ribbon, yarn, whatever.

I then dug up a bunch of old mittens, lost mittens and mittens too small to be worn anymore.

After I had found 22 mittens, (We are leaving for Texas on the 22nd of December, so I only needed to do a calendar for that many days.) I went and gathered up 22 of our clothes pins from our clothes line.

I have all sorts of crafting paper in hopes that I could some day be a scrapbooker, (that day will never come), so I snagged three fun colors. A yellow, a red and green with stars and cut out 22 squares to label the days and glued them on the clothes pins. I am sure if someone else were doing this, they would cut beautiful shapes, or emboss or glitter or do something that Martha Stewart would approve of, but I'll stick to my kid scissors cut out with sharpie numbers. It took me five minutes and my time is needed else where.



Since we have our stockings by the fireplace, I needed to find a different location that the kids could reach each day. I picked our built in hutch, and added those pull away hooks to the side so I didn't have to ruin the woodwork with a nail. I hung my T-shirt string, then added the hooks with the mittens.




For the last few days I have been typing out a Prophecy for each day with a verse from the Old Testament and a confirmation verse to its fulfillment in the New Testament. My goal is that each day we can sit down with the kids, open our Bible and read what was foretold about the coming Messiah. Then we can look it up in the New Testament and discuss it. I don't have questions posted with this yet because I am going to do that this year while we are doing each day. That way, I know for next year which questions worked and which ones didn't.

Here are the verses that we will be looking at this advent.
1. Be of the offspring of the woman, shall bruise the serpent's head Gen. 3:14,15 and Galatians 4:4, Heb. 2:14
2. Be of the tribe of Judah gen. 49:8-10, Micah 5:2 and Heb. 7:14
3. Be born in the town of Bethlehem of Judea (Judah) Micah 5:2-5 and Matt. 2:1-6
4. Be born a king of the line of David Isaiah 9:7 and Matt. 1:1
5. A child to be born Isaiah 9:6 and Luke 2:11
6. Be born of a virgin Isaiah 7:13,14 and Matt. 1:18-23
7. Kings shall bring him gifts, fall down before him Psalm 72:10 and Matt. 2:1-11
8. Be a firstborn son, sanctified Exodus 13:2, Numbers 3:13; 8:17 and Luke 2:7, 23
9. Massacre of children Jeremiah 31:15 and Matt. 2:16-18
10. Be called out of Egypt Hosea 11:1 and Matt. 2:13-15, 19-21
11. Be rejected by his brethren Psalm 69:8 and John 7:3-5
12. Call those who were not his people Isaiah 55:4,5 and Romans 9:23-26
13. The King comes to Jerusalem riding on a donkey Zechariah 9:9 and Mark 11:1-10
14. Upon his coming, the deaf hear, the blind see Isaiah 29:18, Isaiah 35:5 and Matt. 11:5
15. Fulfill promises to Jews, be a light to the Gentiles Isaiah 42:6, 49:6 and Luke 2:25-32, Acts 26:23
16. A new everlasting covenant Jeremiah 31:31-34 and Luke 22: 15-20, Heb. 10:15-20
17. be hung upon a tree as a curse for us Deut. 21:23 and Galatians 3:13
18. Be struck on the head Micah 5:1 and Matt. 27:30
19. Have soldiers cast lots for his coat Psalm 22:18 and John 19:23,24
20. Be accused and afflicted, but didn't open his mouth Isaiah 43:7 and Matt. 27:12, Luke 23:9
21. Be Passover male lamb, without blemish, slain, with blood applied as protection from judgment Exodus 12:1-11 and John 1:29-36
22.The 30 pieces of silver buy the potter's field Zech. 11:12,13 and Matt. 27:3, 6-10

These verses I got from Rose Publishing in a small book called, "100 Prophecies Fulfilled by Jesus". I have given you the key verse where they make the connection, but in most cases, we will read more of the text around each verse offered. For our family I tried to pick the verses that carried the most weight of connecting the prophecy with the fulfillment.

Also for each day, when we pull out the scroll to do our devotion, there will also be a little treat for each kid in the mitten. Treats will include stickers, straws, silly bands, new crayons, coins, suckers or something else small.

I am excited to finally have gotten this project this far. Maybe next year it will be complete with questions and all.

Have a wonderful Advent season preparing your hearts and homes for the coming king.

A homemade thanksgiving

I am a little surprised to report that my very first allergen free Thanksgiving was my easiest, and laid back. It was a near perfect day, with the exception of a few moments of miscommunication paired with tiredness, it was glorious.

Thanksgiving is a day to celebrate the harvest and the feast, and in MN there is usually snow on the ground which was always weird to me. Thanksgiving is still a fall holiday, but it rarely feels that way, with the exception of yesterday where we celebrated Thanksgiving with 62 degrees. It was glorious!

I want to start this blog by saying my parents are irreplaceable to making Thanksgiving happen in this house. My amazing mother puts up with me making everything from scratch and using every dish in the kitchen and she just faithfully and cheerfully washes all the dishes and gets me all my ingredients and allows to me to just create and cook and bake. It's this incredible gift that I get every year and it really is the ONLY way I can pull off the meal. My dad, cleans and moves tables and watches and plays with the kids. He takes out garbage and runs errands, they are just really the most incredible people. Thank you mom and dad, I couldn't do life without you! I love you!

So Wednesday evening, my mom and I head to the kitchen after we spent the afternoon and dinnertime downtown with Paul, and make five pie crusts, (two regular and three GF). We mix up three pumpkin pies, make GF waffles for the bread crumbs for the Mac and Cheese. After the waffles are done and drying out, I grate up the zucchini and make zucchini bread for lunch the next day. While the bread is baking, I mix up all the dry ingredients and mix up all the wet ingredients for pumpkin scones for breakfast. I put those away to be made fresh in the morning. I had found a recipe for coconut milk whipped topping and we tried it, but to no success. While I made my mom stand there whisking it for 15 minutes, Big came out of bed and came and gave me a big hug and said, "Thank you mommy for thinking of me and cooking all the things I can eat." Ahh... it melts my heart and makes it all worth it. At about 1130pm, we called it quits and got some rest.

Thanksgiving morning, the kids are up early with excitement for the day they have been waiting for. They got up and finished up their place mats for their friends coming over that day. I made a fresh pot of coffee and mixed up the scones. While they were still warm, we drizzled maple syrup over top and they were delicious!


After breakfast, we turned on the TV to watch all the prep for the big Thanksgiving day parade until it was time to leave for church.

I love going to church on Thanksgiving. It is a great reminder in the middle of all the prep to take a step back and remember the one who is responsible for all the blessings in our life. The music, the readings and the message pointed our hearts back toward our creator who I am most thankful for.

After church, we came home to a crazing lunch of zucchini bread, nuts, carrots, apple slices, carrots and snap peas, pickles and olives, chips and salsa while my dad cheered for the Lions and Big cheered for the packers. (not sure when or how that happened, but we all think its a little weird in this house.)



Probably the best part of the day for me came when Paul took the boys outside to play catch during the second half of the game. If you have followed our story at all, then you know a tornado hit our neighborhood back in May. About a week ago they just tore down our neighbor's house, and they won't rebuild for four years. So now we sit as the corner house on our block with this big empty lot next door. It's amazing and crazy weird at the same time. We aren't used to having space, having room to breath and run and play. We have a really small yard, but now there is all this space to play! They had space to play right at the house instead of needing to go down to the park! The window's were open, the game was on, my dad was resting on the couch, mom and I were cooking in the kitchen with great music playing and we were listening to the boys play outside. It was one of those perfect wonderful moments that I want to take with me for years to come.





We had friends join us in the afternoon and we gathered around the table to eat at 530pm.


Here are the kids at thier table.


Here is Little in her seat saying cheese!


Here is almost everyone gathered around our Thanksgiving feast.


We had two turkeys, stuffing and creamy mashed potatoes for my hubby and guests, a creek quinoa made by my lovely friend Inga, GF Vegan mac and cheese, green been casserole in a homemade cream of mushroom soup with pecans, sweet potato's and carrots baked in a drizzle of maple syrup, cinnamon and pecans, herb infused popovers, strawberries, apple slices and spirits.

It was so lovely and delicious. We ate our meal on the family plates my husband grew up with, on place mats that my kids made, with napkins I had made earlier this year. While we cooked we listened to music that my friend gave me to brighten my day. Our centerpiece was pumpkins my kids made with me earlier and we were surrounded by dear friends and family. I looked around and was so thankful for the depth of meaning that everything has here. It all has a story, it all has history and life and memories. The people, the surroundings, the food. Everything about this Thanksgiving was very rich and overflowing with blessings and thanksgiving. (I even pulled off an old carpet skirt that I wore in college that I haven't been able to fit into for years. That was a huge bonus!)



The kids were done in record time and went off to play which allowed the adults to sit and savor the meal and each others company. It may sound rehearsed and scripted, but I love going around the table and finding out what everyone is thankful for. It adds depth and allows for greater conversation and makes the meal special.

Afterwards, the furry of activity was miraculous! Everyone pitched in and cleaned until every dish was washed and dry, the table cleaned, garbage taken out, extra tables and chairs put away and we could rest. We turned on the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special for the kids and ate pumpkin and upside down apple pecan pie.

It was soon time for the kids to head off to bed, friends to head home and to turn on our traditional White Christmas movie. This is the way we say good buy to Thanksgiving and bring on the Christmas cheer! One of my dearest friends from college surprised me by stopping by, we make hot chocolate and ate a pumpkin scone and snuggled with the movie on while we chatted away. We didn't make it through the whole movie, but it was wonderful all the same.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. If you were with family or friends, or if you were volunteering somewhere, or on vacation. If you were surrounded by tradition or feeling out of sorts in a new place. Whether you were surrounded by people and feeling alone, or literally spent the day on your own, my hope is that you know you are loved by the one who created you, and that you can see, even in hard moments, days, or years, we can still search and find there is much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am sure others took better pictures, but I was busy, so here is what I snagged to share with you. Mostly so my sister who join us could see and our other Nana and Papa down in TX. Enjoy!

***All recipes were gotten from Gluten Free Goddess, Simply Sugar and Gluten Free and Living Without websites. Enjoy!***

Traveling with Little people

I don't have pictures for this blog because lets be honest, if we are road tripping or flying, I ain't got that kind of time.

But I did have a friend email me the other day and say, "Dani you travel a lot with your kids and I am taking mine for the first time on a plane for the holiday's, any tips or ideas?" I have a few, so I thought I would share them with you all.

Disclaimer, I am not an expert at this, however I have flown dozens of times with my kids alone and sometimes with my husband to help. There have a been a few things I learned by making mistakes along the way. Please learn from me and save yourself the grief, stress, meltdown, and judgement.

1. Understand that you can't judge other families traveling, whether they are behaving or misbehaving. You are only catching a glimpse of that family's story and if we are truly honest, each family in the world at one point or another is the family everyone wants to be, or no one wants to be. We all have great moments where we stand proud because somehow it all worked out, and we all have those moments where we want to scream at everyone, "Please don't judge me! They usually aren't like this! I'm usually not like this! We are better people I promise." SO...leave the judging at home. For others and yourselves.

2. Take the week to prepare and include your kids help. Talk about the trip, let them pack their stuff, with your help of course, and give them a list to follow. Allowing your kids to help gives them ownership and makes them feel important and needed. When they help lead, they are better behaved.

3. During the preparing stage, I always use "team" language. We do this occasionally at home as well on normal days, but when you are going on an adventure, team language is important. We are a team. We stick together. Each person on the team has their job and we need each other. We even do a little prayer before we leave and stick our hands together and shout, go team! Lame? Absolutely! Cheesy? Totally! Works? YES!

4. If you have time, go to the library a couple days before the trip and pick out a couple books about flying if you are flying, road construction if you are driving, the city where you are going, the holiday you are celebrating. A couple special books that they aren't books they are used to, usually means they are more excited to read them, they get to learn something new and again, they are apart of the process. While you are there, make sure to pick a couple stories on CD or download them into your fancy Iwhatever so you have a story to listen to. Follow along books with Cd's are the best. They get to look at it, and you don't have to read it. (If you were wondering, we don't watch movies when we travel. I do bring one as a back up, you ALWAYS need back up, but as a rule, we just don't.)

5. This may sound silly and over the top, but because I live in the kitchen, my kids help me make/bake a special snack for the trip. We would make granola bars together, and what was great about these is they are super healthy and I only made them for road trips, so it made them extra special. I also include my kids in the list making for the trip, the grocery shopping, and the food packing. They help pick out their veggie, their fruit, and their different meals. We don't eat when we travel, even before diet restrictions, because it added extra time, was more expensive, packing our own food was healthier, and I could always then use it as leverage for a reward if I needed it. Now I would always pack a surprise food that they don't know about. (It's all about leverage!) And when they have been apart of the whole process, who doesn't like a surprise!

6. Another extra bonus item if you have time is making a new fun travel CD of music that the kids are into. I try to add a song or two from all the different music they love to listen to, or the theme song to their favorite show, or just plain old silly kid songs. On a road trip this works really well. In the airport when you are stranded, it also really works well. If I had an Ipod or phone or pad, I would mix up a great little something for kids and play that.

7. For you for traveling:
* Don't drink beverages. The less you need to go to the bathroom the better. It's hard to be patient when you've been holding it for an hour.

* When flying don't wear jewelry, wear comfy clothes and slip on shoes. Yes, the low maintenance of your outfit helps with getting through security.

* Pack a small bag that has ONLY what you need to survive the trip. Itinerary, money, licence, credit cards. All in one place so you know where it is, but KEEP IT PROTECTED.

* Pack empty water bottles to fill once you are through security so that you always have water when you need it. (Then you also don't have to worry about the spilling airplane cups if you have really little people. Keep a lid on it people!)

8. For your kids:
* If they can't tie shoes yet, don't put them in tie shoes no matter how cute they are. Save it for your destination. You don't need the hassle.

* They can carry their own little travel backpack with a change of clothes and some toys that you have approved. Their clothes should be low maitenance, even for the car.

* Their back pack can also contain their own water bottle and first snack.

* Give them each a job. If they are old enough, they can push a stroller in the airport or help haul a suitcase. If you are driving, someone can be in charge of managing the food, the toy clutter, looking for gas stations, helping get the smaller ones shoes back on. Be creative, just make sure everyone has a job on the team and is needed.

9. For the trip:
* Have a small bag with emergency items: band aids, neosporin, chap stick, lotion, nail clippers, thread and needle, Kleenex, head medicine, stomach medicine, wipes, tide pen, small pad of paper, pen. I might be missing something, but you get the idea.

* Have an emergency toy bag. For flying, it can be a very small bag with playing cards, uno cards, and pull out 10 matches from your memory game and you have a smaller travel version. I also like to always keep my eye on the dollar store or target dollar section and see what they might have. One year they had small etch a sketches for a $1. Perfect as a surprise. When you are driving, put a couple good car toys in a bag that your kids don't know about. This way when they are bored and done with the toys they brought, you have something new for them. Small chalk boards, special coloring books, a clip board with a bunch of dot or tick tack toe games drawn out already, sewing cardboard activity. It can be anything.

For Flying:
* If you are flying, pay the extra money for a direct flight if possible. Surviving a plane ride is harder once the novelty has worn off.

* If you are flying, if one person has to pee, make them all do it. If no one has to pee, make them do it before you get on the plane, and once you land. You don't need the hassle of dealing with it on the plane, or once you have all your luggage.

For Driving:
* If you are driving, you are not above peeing on the side of the road. Seriously, if you have more than one kid, it is not the worth the hassle of unloading everyone and putting on everyone's coats and shoes. Pull that one kid out, let them do their business, and get back on the road.

* If you are driving, it does pay off to start the trip extra earlier in the morning, say 4am. This way it is still dark, the kids will go back to sleep and you get a couple hours of quiet while driving.

* Make sure you have emergency car tools and a blanket, flashlight, and a triple AA phone number.

* If you can swing it, make sure when you stop, you pick a place that meets all of your needs at once. Gas, food, and bathroom.

And if you want to feel better about your parenting skills, listen to these stories.

Once when Paul and I were flying home from Haiti at 8pm, we just got Big back from my in-laws. He was about 13 months and I was 6 months pregnant, and it was past his bedtime. Big cried for the first 20 min. of the flight and then screamed on the floor at our feet for the rest of the plane ride, which was an hour and half long. Food, hugs, bottles, toys, walking, nothing worked. He was besides himself, probably from excitement, tiredness and wanting to be home. I have never gotten so many dirty looks from so many people leaving a plane before, it was bad.

Another time, I was going up the escalator with Big, middle, and little who was 2 months old and in the stroller. I know, you aren't supposed to go on the escalator with a stroller, but the elevator was so far away! My kids love the escalator, so I chanced it going up. Well, middle had a panic once we were on and started to try to get off, but trying to catch him, made part of the stroller slip. They had to turn off the escalator for the lady who was holding a 3yr old by the arm as he has fallen head first down the escalator, and holding the stroller with her other hand and hip as it's tipped slightly to the side. Big just stood up at the top looking terrified. And yes, I learned my lesson, and yes I got a lecture from the TSA agent.


So, remember to have fun and be patient with yourself and your kids. With little people, its always about the journey and not the destination.

Happy traveling! And if you have great helpful hints, don't forget to add them here!

Thanksgiving for kids

FYI, I am not a crafting blog. There aren't step by step instructions to anything I do. I am not a photographer, so the pictures are not top quality. But I am a gal who tries to engage her kids in the creative process, instill good values of reduce, reuse, recycle, and respect God's created, his earth and each other. I just try to share little lessons I learn along the way.

So I realized last year how much I allow Christmas to creep in on Thanksgiving. It stood out to me last year and I didn't like it.

I love holiday prep, and I found I would listen to Christmas music while preparing for Thanksgiving. Some may say there is nothing wrong with that, to others I have truly committed a crime. It doesn't matter, because the truth is, I wasn't allowing Thanksgiving to sink it. I wasn't letting it be what it is, a day of giving thanks, not something to skim over to get to Christmas.

No more this year. This year, Thanksgiving stands in the spot light and Christmas will have to wait.

Also new this year is my children's ability to truly make their own projects and have an opinion about it. In years previous, I would research great crafts and we would "do them together" meaning they would eventually get bored and I got to finish the project. That usually meant that it still looked Martha Stewartish with a little kid twist.

Not this year. It is all kid imagined and kid created, which means lots of construction paper, personal drawings that have nothing to do with Thanksgiving and lots of glue. I found myself wanting to direct them. Wanting to in a small way manipulate the project so it would look better or resemble at least a little of my idea.

And then I remembered. This is how they contribute. This is how we nurture their good ideas and praise them for their creativity. This is where original happens. Those things are the real things I want.

So, Paul was gone this weekend. It was just me and the kids and the house was a total disaster all weekend. The kids slept in a fort in the living room and I allowed all the toys to stay out for the weekend. We ate plain rice, a can of corn, bowls of cereal and sweet potato chips for meals. It was beautiful and easy and they were happy. The dining table was covered in paper, glue, feathers, markers, crayons, tape, pipe cleaners, and pom poms for two days straight. We just put our plates on top or laid a blanket in the kitchen and had a picnic. It was great.

I asked the kids what we could do to make celebrating Thanksgiving special. They suggested placemats, like they did at school. I loved it. So I asked the boys what verse in the Bible they wanted to put on the mats and they decided they liked our Thanksgiving verse, so I typed Col. 2:6-7. I let Big pick the font, I showed them how to multiply the verse to get more on one page and not waste our supplies. I let Middle print the verses, and both boys cut out the verses and glued them to the placemats. They picked the colors of the mats and I taught them how to make turkeys out of their hands. (They really thought I was the smartest person on the planet. It was great.) We made a list of everyone coming for Thanksgiving and they were able to recreate their names on the mats. They drew, colored and glued. We worked on math, colors, and art.

And the whole time instead of listening to Christmas music, we listened to praise and worship instead. It created the perfect atmosphere to prepare our hearts for Thanksgiving. While the kids created, I tried my hand at pumpkin scones to capitalize on our fall day while the snow fell outside. What I love about my kids is that they knew this was a new recipe and it was a Thanksgiving training day in the kitchen so they gave me tips on how to make it better, but not before thanking me for a good try.

"It needs more Cinnamon, maybe a touch of honey or maple syrup to add sweetness." Oh my, what have I created in them!

Here are our placemats.



Now I will admit that they couldn't stick to the task for very long. They would cut and then go play. They would come back and glue and then go play. They would color a little and then play some more. It was a very laid back art project.

After the placemats were done, I brought out our remaining foam balls and feathers.

I need you to know that this year, it is our goal to make as many of our Christmas projects and presents as possible with supplies we have here at the house or at a reuse center or thrift store. We are trying to honor God and our family with not only our resources, but with our time and money. So I went to the craft bin to see what we had left over from years previous to decide what we would make our center pieces out of.

This was going to be perfect!



The boys made turkey's to add to our already homemade scrap fabric pumpkins that sit as our centerpiece. Now the pumpkins will be guarded by the two turkeys.

This is Big's. He colored the foam balls and only choose small feathers to make a baby turkey.


This is Middle's. This turkey is confused, but he's made with love. He started out as a snowman and then decided he was a turkey. He was probably confused because it was snowing outside.



So here is our homemade Thanksgiving decorations. I'll be honest, it felt really good to keep Christmas at bay. Listening to fun worship music kept our hearts full of remembering God's goodness and all we have to be thankful for.

Meal Plan

I believe in the healthy idea of meal planning. It allows you to take five or fifteen minutes at one point of your week, instead of more than an hour throughout the week trying to figure out to feed everyone.

Especially in a diet restricted home, I need to do this to ensure that my husband still gets meat, my children have no red meat, and I am trying to eliminate meat all together. On top of satisfying everyone with what they want.

We usually do this on Sunday and everyone can pick one meal they want that week, so that everyone knows they have a voice in the matter. Than I look at when Paul is gone, that's when I serve a meal I know he doesn't like. I look at what we are doing that week and when we need crock pot meals and when we can eat leftovers. I also try to pair that up with what's on sale and what is in our house and cupboards that I need to use up so it doesn't go bad. So many pieces to put together it seems, but in the end, I am much less stressed when it comes to meal time.

I love to cook, but the expectation of cooking three times a day gets tiring. This is my attempt to curve stress, reduce the trips to the grocery store, and limit the complaining. All these things I believe lead to a healthier life. Less gas being used, more time at home doing what we want, and less stress for my heart and soul, which also means probably less frustrated cries for help or yelling on my part. That's better for everyone.

Well, my folks get in on Tuesday night for Thanksgiving and I am so stoked! What I love about my parents is that even coming to have fun, they always want to help. But truth be told, I don't want to spend my time while they are here going to the grocery store and cooking the whole time or trying to figure out what to eat. That question stresses me out to a very severe level these days. I want all the groceries bought and the plan figured out before they get here so I can make what I can ahead of time, have less time in the kitchen and more time in relationship with them doing fun things with my kids.

So I made a plan. Wednesday is Thanksgiving prep day so I wanted limited time in the kitchen for meals for that day. Friday I will be tired of being in the kitchen the whole day before. Friday we will also have friends over for lunch, and then head to the light parade on Friday night. Saturday is get the tree day, decorate the tree and prep for Waller Christmas on Sunday. Putting all those things into consideration, this is what I came up with.

(I am not fancy yet enough to figure out how to add links to my blog, so most recipes I either adapted, or found with Gluten Free Goddess, Simply Sugar and Gluten Free or Living Without.) Enjoy!

Wednesday:
Breakfast - Pumpkin oatmeal, banana's
Lunch - Lettuce wraps with egg salad, carrots, country style potato's
Dinner - Mushrooms/sun dried tomato's in a white wine sauce over GF noodles

Thursday:
Breakfast - Pumpkin scones, strawberries
Lunch - Chips/bean dip/guacamole/salsa, grapes, cucumbers
Dinner - Thanksgiving Feast - another blog!

Friday:
Breakfast - Fruit and Spinach smoothies, hard boiled eggs
Lunch - Chicken, beans, salsa Mex dish over rice in crock pot
Dinner - Turkey sandwiches, veggies, hot cocoa at parade

Saturday:
Breakfast - Scrambled eggs with spinach, grapes
Lunch - chili in thermos' at tree farm with apple slices and almonds
Dinner - Leftovers and popcorn while we decorate tree

Sunday:
Breakfast - Granola with raisins, cucumbers, and country style potato's
Lunch - BBQ Chicken and baked root veggies
Dinner - Leftovers

Snacks: veggies, nuts, fruit, popcorn and LarBar's for the road.

I love that I don't have to think about this now and can just enjoy my parents visit. I hope you also feel inspired and ready to make your own weekly meal plan. It really is one of my greatest stress relievers.

Now if only I could start that great idea of once a month cooking. That would really save me time.

Happy T week.

Mourning

So I realize now, a little late I guess, that this entire year will be a year of firsts. Mostly what that means for my traditional heavy heart is that for each season and holiday, I need to mourn what was, and replace it with what is.

Things continue to catch me off guard.

For example, Candy canes. I love having candy canes in the house to give to guests when they come over. My kids loved them! I won't have them in the house anymore because it feels a little cruel.

My husband grew up eating cream puffs on the morning of Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was fun to complain about how much work they were, but it also became our tradition.

Ginger bread houses. So fun to make and lick your fingers free of the icing that drizzles on your hands instead of staying on the house. Plus that candy that fell on the floor totally fall into the five second rule.

Christmas cookies, Christmas cookies, Christmas cookies. I know there are cookies we can eat, but there are special cookies that you grow up with, that when a cookie tray doesn't have them, you have a little void in your heart.

Then there are the Christmas cookie exchange parties. Why would I go and bring home a plate of cookies we can't eat?

We handled Halloween and for the first time, I didn't add five pounds to my healthy frame. I thought, we can do this. This is getting easier.

But the truth is, I have 32 years of history under my belt. I have 32 years of habits, patterns, traditions, expectations, and desires.

If I can acknowledge that each season will have a piece of mourning to it, I think it might be easier to handle. I need to allow myself the experience of letting it go so that I can embrace what it is now. And the truth is, the way it is now is SO much better for us.

Truth be told, almost none of the things listed above are good for you, and there are alternatives to almost each of them. But before I could just go to the store and buy whatever I needed. Now its a different story.

We have the opportunity to rewrite history. To create new habits and patterns and traditions, and hopefully the mourning will pass. And I will have less weight and guilt over food after these holidays which would be a first in forever!