That word. 


Most often that word explicit's frustration from me.  It angers me as I hear myself say...

I am starting my diet.  Again. 

I am going to start meditating.  Again. 

I am going to try exercising.  Again. 

Why am I angry at myself?  Again. 

I spent the whole day being a sloth and reading, and watching bad movies while ignoring my responsibilities and my children.  Again. 

I didn't do anything beautiful today.  Again.

I wasn't brave to speak my mind.  Again. 

I only thought of myself today.  Again. 

I read a ton of blogs and got incredibly jealous of all the incredible things people are doing.  Again.

I only saw what others had and nothing of what I do have.  Again. 

I didn't do devotions.  Again. 

I wasted opportunity.  Again. 

I yelled at my kids.  Again. 

I broke a promise.  Again. 

I ate junk food for breakfast.  For lunch.  For dinner.  Again.

I got down on myself.  Again. 

This word, Again, has the power to keep us locked in a destructive cycle.  It steals our hope because let's be honest, every time I loose hope, I think, I did it...again.

This is where I am at right now.  I am living in the dark side of Again.  I have over committed myself...again.  That leads me to cast aside every healthy habit I have in favor of survival habits.  Survival habits that include drinking coffee late at night to keep working.  Giving up exercise because I need, and I mean need, that extra  hour to clean or see my family, or again, keep working.  When I give up exercise, I throw eating well out the window.  Because apparently I am too busy to make myself a salad, I become a stash and grab eater.  Those eating habits create low energy for me, so I drink more coffee.  I am then up late working, so I can't get up early for devotions.

I have done this so many times in my life, it's disheartening.  So I utter these words...these painful words that heap on guilt and a cycle of shame...

"I am not going to live like this AGAIN." 

And then I do. 

Because I am human. 

Because I am broken. 

Because I will have issues that I wrestle with till the day I die. 

Again and again and again and again. 

It's almost enough to make you want to give up hope right? 

But then I remember. 

I remember that I am loved.   Again.

I remember that I am forgiven.  Again. 

I remember that God's blessings are new each day.  Again. 

I remember that my husband is dedicated to my success.  Again.

I remember that each day is new.  The sun rises every morning Again to give me another opportunity. 

I remember that God calls me his beloved.  Again. 

That he walks with me each day, every moment, giving me second chances...again and again and again. 

When I live in my dark world of Despair again, I am hopeless. 

When I live by the truth that God is never done with second chances, I can live free... 


Words, like most ideas, hold the power of good and evil.  They can be life affirming, or self destructing.  Again is a word that can bring forth guilt or hope.  Most often it is in our perspective in how we live out the words that shape our hearts.

I want to be a believer of again, not chained down to it. 

Today I choose to live into the freedom that Again gives me, not the life it can steal from me. 

Remember that you are loved today.  Again.