Believing the lie

I have kept to myself quite a bit these last few weeks.  I know some of the reasons, which I will write about tomorrow in a new series of blogs for January titled, "The Food Journal".

One reason is that when it comes time to pull out my computer and work, I would rather sit on the couch with Paul and hang out, or sew, or clean, or cook, or read, or sleep.  Lately I am not that interested in being on the computer, I would rather just do life.

Another reason, which is most likely the biggest reason, is I have let myself live in the lie that my voice doesn't really matter.  We live in a time when everyone shares every thought they have.  There are more blogs and articles out there on the internet than there are stars in the sky.  Seriously?!  Who needs my two cents about my family, our life, food issues, crafts, sewing, traveling.  I am an expert in none of these things so why tell you how we wrapped our presents this year, or what we had for dinner.  I can point you to other great blogs already doing and communicating those things already.

When it comes right down to it, the statement in my head is "Who really cares? Why would I write that?  No one cares.  Everyone is already saying all those things, you don't need to say it too. We as a family or me as a speaker don't do things the best way, we just do it our way."  Even writing this makes me anxious because I think its silly.

And so I don't write.  I keep my thoughts to myself.  I get down on myself and belittle my voice.  This angers me the most because it is part of the reason I travel the country speaking to youth and young adults.  I believe that every voice matters.  I deeply believe that when we share our thoughts and hearts and ideas, amazing things happen.  You have no idea what might inspire someone else.  And so I never want to hear students say they don't matter, or that their life isn't that important.

I won't accept those words from others, but its so easy to accept them for myself.  This here in lies the problem.  So often we can believe in others more than ourselves.  I can believe that God's grace is for others, but not for me.  I can believe that others can loose weight, but not me.  I believe that others can be forgiven, but not me.  I believe others can make a difference, but not me.

I wonder if it's because when we believe in ourselves the way God see us, we know our lives would be different.  We would be inspired, and moved to make a difference.  Our lives would be more intentional and we would be held accountable to the things we believe.  We would actually believe in ourselves and the things we say and do would matter.

Most of the time it is just easier to believe the lie.  When we believe the lie that we don't really matter, we are off the hook.  We aren't challenged, we aren't dedicated to a more fulfilling existence.  We can just get by, because we don't see that others see us.

So today I try to stop believing the lie.  I believe that when we share our lives with people, our souls feel connected and great things happen.  This blog has revealed to me a deeply rooted issue I wasn't ready to face, my own self value.

And so my road to reclaim my value and believe in God's stamp on my life begins again today.  My voice and my life matter, and so does yours.  Don't believe the lie.

Have a blessed and wonderful day.