Living between fear and trust

I wasn't sure how to start this blog.  Some of the things I want to share will concern some of our family.  Others may think I am overreacting.  And if I hear one more person tell me that we should move, I may start scratching myself on the arms till I bleed.

We live in North Mpls.  Is it the most dangerous place to live in the Twin Cities?  No, but we sure are close.  We call it the hood, not the ghetto, the hood.

Over the years, all sorts of strange things have happened here, some of them dangerous.  On average we call 911 once maybe twice a week.  More often in the summer.

We live in the city and for the most I love it.  We are close to so many things.  We bike all over, walk to the store and thrive on doing all sorts of artsy fartsy things.  We love the variety and accessibility of food and theater and music and art and parks and trails.  It's wonderful.

We choose to live where we do because we couldn't afford anything else.  We choose to stay because we can't afford to move. Within the first month of moving in, my husband got jumped in the park one block from our house.  It is "our park" according to our kids because we walk there all the time.  We have been broken into a handful of times but no one was ever injured.  We have a two bedroom house where our space is limited, but we love that it forces us to live more simply, although I think it just forces me to be more creative in how I stash our stuff!  We have tried to move once, and then the economy tanked.  Like thousands of others, we ended up being tens of thousands of dollars under our mortgage.  The bridge that linked us to NE got blown up and since then, what was the riskiest place to live in regards to crime, shifted to where we live in North.  NE is now the art hub of the cities, weird right?  Then a tornado hit, demolishing already run down houses.  Where we sit now, we'll never be able to move.  I couldn't believe a houses value could sink quite as far as ours did.

BUT...

The homes around here are looking great including ours.  A true blessing if you ask me.  Improvements that never would have happened without the force of the tornado.  The bridge opens at the end of June and I am curious to see how things shift again in regards to crime and shootings and deaths where we live.  Our area of Mpls was also chosen out of dozens of cities across the United States to receive a special improvement grant for our side of the Mississippi.  They will be cleaning up the north side of the river, adding trails, parks, businesses and making it a go to spot when traveling to the cities.

We live in this juxtaposition of good and bad, as most people do, it just seems to be kind of extreme.

In the last couple weeks, I have seem what usually is a whole summers worth of police cars.  A whole summers worth in the last couple weeks.

Eight cop cars and an ambulance brought out a man from a home on our block five doors down.  There was all sorts of screaming at the cops while they took the gentleman away.

Four days ago a young man was riding his bike to deliver a meal that his mom made for a friend three blocks away.  Two boys shot and killed him taking his bike in the process, two blocks from us.  Mindless, ruthless hate.

I wrote about the cops coming and arresting and searching for someone in the home right behind us.

Detectives have been searching our alley corner, including our yard for evidence to God knows what.

Twice in the last two weeks I have come home to different routes being blocked off by the police because they are looking for someone.

Three times I have come home and there have been drug deals/exchanges happening between cars right in front of our home.

Two years ago there was a girl shot and killed right in front of our house because she was at a party where there was angry gang activity.

That was the first murder that started a string of gang related murders over the next couple weeks causing that to be the most murders that Mpls has seen in over 20 years.

One year ago a party let out and while everyone was walking down the street they decided to smash our friends window while jumping on the hood of their car.  (Gheezz, writing all this together makes me a little nervous.)

I get it.  It happens everywhere.  I know that to be true.  Maybe it isn't as obvious where you live, maybe it is, but the murder of this boy on his bike has kind of been our last straw.  Mindless, senseless killing.

Before there was this sense of false security that if you leave "them" alone, "they" will leave you alone.  We call it targeted violence.  We lived in this belief that the main stream of violence happened within circles of people defending their territory, their family, or proving to themselves or to friends that they were dangerous enough to pull of "said" crime.  We know it happens around us, but our lives don't really intersect to bring us face to face to life altering violence.

There have always been random acts of violence.  A rape at our park at dinner time, a child dying by a stray bullet that was shot in the air, but now this.  Killed for his bike, two blocks away.  This poor boy did nothing wrong and his family will suffer forever.

The crime here seems to be escalating.  Other good friends who live in the hood have been feeling this constant low hope dread feeling as of lately.  They say they feel like they have to always be looking over their shoulder.

So now we are presented with a choice.  We can't move.  That isn't a choice, at least not right now.  So our choice is to live in fear or trust God that whatever happens can be worked to his glory, even if that means one of children suffer death or a permanent life altering handicap because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I don't know how to live in that place.  A place that allows my children to still play outside because their kids and they need to be outside without making myself sick worrying about their safety.  Do we always have to fear the person walking down the street?  That creates unfair judgement and fear to everyone involved.  What does that do to my faith and my heart when all I do is wonder and worry about things out of my control?  Perfect love drives out fear right?  In otherwords, that means trust.  I trust in God's love to be enough.  Trust his ability to work good out of all situations.  Trust him that even while my kids ride their bikes, that if a stray bullet hits one of them, he would still be good.

That feels like a tall order.  I don't want to be lazy in my parenting, and I want to be smart in listening to my gut, paying attention to what is happening outside and making smart choices.  That is how I make responsible choices for my kids.  That is how I make healthy choices for my family.  But for all my being responsible, accidents still happen and I don't control what goes on in my neighborhood.  In the middle of the day, while I was out with my kids, we were run down by the SWAT team. No way of seeing that coming.

So, we live in a scary place.  It feels scarier to me now more than ever anyway.  We make sure we are in before dark.  I am always outside when my kids are.  And I pray everyday that I could trust in God's ability to take care of us, even if something happens.  I pray for my ability to believe in his goodness.  That I wouldn't give up hope.  And I pray that he keeps my kids safe.  And if something should happen, that I would still have faith that he is good.

I'm not sure if a lot of this makes sense, mostly I just needed it out of my head.  The juxtaposition of living in a scary place and trying to be safe, while ultimately trusting that God will be enough.

There are many things I love about living in the city, but I'm not gonna lie, my heart is ready for my old brick farm house on acres of land.

I choose to trust that God is good.

Please keep the families of this young man in your prayers.  They have a lot of hate and frustration they need to work through.

Wisdom

The best parenting advice ever offered to me:

"Teach your thinkers to feel and your feelers to think."

Hardest parenting advice to put into practice:

"Teach your thinkers to feel and your feelers to think."

It has to start somewhere

Let me start by saying that I am exhausted. My five week stretch of speaking weekends, vacation, and having company have caught up to me.

My husband is also exhausted.

My kids are just trying to keep up.

All this leaves us little energy to love each other the way I think we truly want to and the way God desires and command we do.

This evening my husband and I had an issue with the way the other person was handling bed time. Silly, I know, but when your energy is zapped and people don't behave the way you are willing or expecting them to, it gets irritating. So we irritated each other.

I am usually a pusher. I don't like confrontation so I push through the issue till things are better. Tonight, I decided to own my fault, apologize, and sit on the basement stairs and just cry.

Sometimes a good cry is what makes it all better.

I had a phenomenal weekend. Truly, maybe one of the best all year. And then reality came, as it always does.

So I sat on the stairs and just wept. Wept for no reason and wept for real reasons. Wept for real hurt and wept for unjustified anger.

As I sat there, I just cried and thought, "why?" Why does this feel so hard? Why can't we be nice to each other? Why does no one in this house have nice words for each other, including myself? I'm not even proud of the way I am speaking to my kids or my husband. Why did we do this to ourselves again? Why did we think we could pull this off without coming out the other side wounded? I cried for all those questions and for the questions I didn't even know how to ask. I pleaded with God to give me something. To speak some of truth into my heart to help me gain wisdom.

As my heart started to settle, I heard two things:

Spiritual Warfare is real. As my husband and I discuss parenting issues, we sometimes find ourselves on opposite sides of issues. Some of that has come up recently (that's another post) and all of a sudden I saw how we were just kind of at each other about small things. It resonated with my heart that Satan (forces, whatever) was trying to keep us divided instead of forming a strong team to lead our children in their walk with the Lord, each other, and the community. We have let our prayer time together, our family meeting and snuggle time fall to the wayside due to the schedule of the last month. All of these things together weaken us as a family and makes feeding on our weakness even easier. I am not usually one to immediately think of Spiritual Warfare, so the fact that it was first thought made me pay attention. I knew immediately I needed to go and pray with Paul.

The second thing that came to me was actually my own words that I spoke to the youth this weekend; it starts with you.

I don't know about you, but I HATE when my words come back to bite in the arse. As soon as I heard it, I tried to fight it.

I don't want to be the one to change their attitude to inspire everyone else in my house to be better. I don't want to try to be humble and see my mistakes and not someone elses. I don't want to give up being cranky while everyone else gets to be. I am tired and I want someone else to do it.

I want someone else to reign in their feelings and try to be better. I want someone else to take a breath and wait before they speak. I want someone else to start thinking of others. I want someone else to serve me. I want someone else to give up their selfishness.

But the words were: It starts with you.

Forgiveness starts with you.
Love starts with you.
Patience starts with you.
Serving starts with you.
Mercy starts with you.
Self Control starts with you.
Laughter starts with you.
Playing starts with you.
Goodness starts with you.
Joy starts with you.
Understanding starts with you.
A good attitude starts with you.

It starts with me.

I couldn't escape it. I know it's true. It starts with you. With me. And I just challenged 500 youth and adults to live this way because I believe and know it to be true. But in the midst of the challenge of life and in the moment of weakness and tiredness, it is hard to hold onto that inspiration. To let that truth move me to action. To let that truth be bigger than my weakness. To let that truth be bigger than my frustration. Bigger than my hurt. Bigger than my pride. Bigger than my control.

That truth needs to move me into selflessness.
That truth needs to move me into love.
That truth needs to move me into humbleness.

Paul and I usually only conflict when we are tired, empty and have nothing to give to the other person. This is where we are.

This is where I need to step up the most. To love him when we have nothing to help move us out of this place. To not let the hard part separate us.

We all have a choice. Its hard. But I am going to try, because I challenge you to try.

It starts with you.

It starts with me.

A year of learning

I have confessed to my husband and received his forgiveness. If you know us, you know this is not unusual.

Tonight's dinner did not go as expected. (Leave it to my kids to eat a pretty terrible meal anyway praising me for loving them and cooking so they can eat. I sometimes worry about their culinary palate; eating off the floor, out of the dirty kitchen sink and from the garbage. You can judge me now, I deserve it.)

However, because it was far from tasty, that left my husband with nothing to eat. In our house we have primarily moved to all fresh fruit and veggies and ingredients to make food, but not convenient food that is just on hand to snack on. I was on my way to the store anyway to wrap up my out of town grocery list to make my children their meals before I leave on Thursday. Before I left, Paul and I discussed the food in the house and how it is difficult for him because he doesn't want to be a burden on me.

He proceeded to tell me that he feels guilty eating the organic naturally raised beef or chicken knowing how expensive it is and that our kids need it and he doesn't want to take it from them. He NEVER complains about a meal, but I know he doesn't enjoy them all. He always eats what is in front of him because he knows I have spent time researching it, making sure our children can eat it, shopping for it, preparing it, and then I will clean up all the dishes that I used to cook it. He continually supports me focusing on the kids and steps to the sidelines.

This evening though I realized just how much I have stopped thinking about my husband and his needs and wants in regard to food. When I was at the store this evening I realized that I haven't even put him on my radar in almost a year. For almost a year, I haven't thought about that he probably misses some of his favorite snacks and canned food. I made a choice for him by not getting it because I knew what was better for him. And in truth, that is not my choice to make for him.

After I grabbed the last few items I needed to make the meals for the kids for the weekend, I literally had to stop in the middle of the store and think, "What does Paul like to eat?" So I went to the cracker isles. Oh the cracker isle how I have missed you. I picked him up a box of Sundried tomato Wheat thins, one of his favorite with cheese and summer sausage. After that, I went and grabbed a whole stash of his favorite Campbells soup so that he had ready meals whenever he fancied them. On my way to the canned soups, I passed those pre-made pasta side dishes that you throw in a pan for five minutes and its done. He enjoys those and they were 10 for $10.

I had this flashback to my coupon days. To looking at food as a game. How much could I get for as little as possible, with some fresh fruit and veggies thrown in. As I put those 10 packets of Paul's easy side pasta into the cart I was struck with how far my ideas and opinions and knowledge of food has come and how much I left my husbands wishes or desires to the wayside for his better health and that of our kids.

What I realized is that I was choosing for it to be too complicated, (thinking about two very different diets, desire, and wishes for food) and thus never bought him any snacks that he loves or can enjoy. The man works so hard for us and I had taken away all of his joy in food.

So I have confessed that I had forgotten him, that his wishes or wants in regard to food hadn't even crossed my mind. I was so caught up in making food that was what my children needed and wanted that I didn't even think about Paul. But that will all be different now.

Paul and I sat down and made a list of items that he would like to have around the house again. Foods that are easy for him to eat and don't require a lot of attention by me. Even in the midst of forgetting him for a year, his greatest desire is to make it the easiest on me.

I am a lucky gal, the least I can do is buy the man his favorite crackers. It's funny, it doesn't sound that hard, but somehow, I just stopped thinking of him.

Truly a celebration

I am not sure if this is my story to tell, but I will share it from my perspective. Since my friend is a blogger herself, I am hoping she won't mind sharing a few of the details. If you want to check out their adoption story and to learn more about Amber's ministry, check out her blog here.

Amber was a fellow coworker of mine and friend. Her husband is also in the same band with Paul, 100 White Flags. I would actually call them a married couple on the road. Zac is Paul’s other half while they are away and vise versa. It’s good old man love.

Zac and Amber have been in the process of adopting a child from Ethiopia for three years. Three years! Three years of paperwork, waiting, paperwork, waiting, praying, waiting, paperwork, and more waiting. And that’s just after they finally decided to adopt. I am sure there was much waiting and praying before then as well. Waiting is by far one of the most challenging character building experiences. It breaks you, strengthens you, challenges what you believe and in the end, grants you hope. What a great way to gain strength and wisdom for parenthood. Adoption is such a beautiful, beautiful thing.

So you can imagine how excited we were to hear that after meeting their daughter Feven for the first time two months ago, they are able to go get her in a couple weeks. Well needless to say, along with some other friends, we couldn’t wait to celebrate with Zac and Amber! We have been waiting alongside them, and now it was time to be truly joyous and we get to see the child that was waiting for them, matched at just the right time, and witness God’s goodness and faithfulness to this family.

So we had to do a shower quickly in order to get them ready for their big trip. They had held off on getting most of the items needed for a baby because they were unsure of their child’s age and gender up until a couple months ago.

What was so wonderful about this shower was all of Amber’s friends were able to come and love on her. We could surround this wonderful couple and let them know how supported and loved they are. We could with our presence reassure them that they are not alone in this. That’s what I love about parties. It brings people together and celebration happens!

Even better, I got to try out some fun pinterest ideas and in order to make that happen, had a little crafting party the week before the shower with friends and wine and laughs and music. This was by far one of my most enjoyable parties. Most likely because so many amazing women were in attendance and second, this child was such a wonderful thing to celebrate.

Thank you Amber for allowing us to walk this journey with you and celebrate your long awaited arrival, Feven.

Enjoy the pics!


Here is Feven's mom Amber with her mother and mother-in-law. How great that both these mothers got to be here to celebrate! Truly, such a blessing.



Here is a banner I made for the shower. I believe the party should reflect the essence of the person being celebrated and Amber is very natural and organic person. I tried to pick beautiful fabrics that reflected her love for recycling and nature. I used double stick tape on the back of the triangles so she can pull them off and reuse the fabric to make gorgeous little outfits for Feven. I didn't want to ruin the fabric by sewing it. I think I see a great skirt mixed in there.

Yes, that is the recycle logo you see.


I had this idea and I couldn't wait to do it. This was the backdrop to the food table. I found all these pieces for Feven at the half off sale at our local Thrift store. I wanted to honor Amber by using our financial resources respectfully and support the other "R" Reuse. It was such a fun way to do a centerpiece in my opinion.


Browsing around Pinterest one night I saw someone post a photo of premade cocktails in mason jars. I thought it was brilliant, but because this was a baby shower, and I have kept DOZENS of baby food jars in the basement, it just made sense to make shot glass cocktails. Since the mama could drink, we decided to do the right way, Ethiopian punch and Ethiopian banger cocktails.


Just because it they look fun and it added to the festive feel. Plus, I love these colors together.



I have discovered that you can find decorating success by creating a focal point. I wanted a special centerpiece focal point for each section of the shower. The clothesline for the food, the banner for the drinks and cake, and here I made pinwheels to hang over the party favors for the guests. In my mind I was going to have included three smaller wheels to hang as well, but ran out of time. They still turned out great though didn't they? I just accordioned the paper, stapled them together, strung them with string, taped a button on the front and hung from the ceiling. They were bowing out in the middle, so I duct taped some cardboard to the back to keep them straight. I like them so much, I made rehang them in the kids room. Here's a close up. The key is to use great colored paper with patterns that work well together.


The pinwheels hung over the party favors. I wanted to find something that reflected Amber and didn't induce a sugar coma. So I found cheap natural planters and picked Basil as the herb to give to each of the ladies. Amber loves to garden and I figured, who doesn't like Basil? To round out the planter, I added a couple little jelly beans to the bottom and put in a cookie cutter.

To bless Amber and Zac and their love for recycling and homemade goodness, we painted Feven her set of alphabet blocks. Our friend cut and sanded the wood and ladies all throughout the shower could come and paint a block. I love this. It brings a touch of all who love the couple and baby and if its homemade, I am a big fan.


My mom loves making signs for all of our parties. This is my version in the party color scheme.



So there you have it. A super fun evening celebrating the arrival of our friends baby. We are excited to meet her after she comes home.

My Saturday

Today started with an amazing breakfast of scrambled eggs and green smoothie and slices of kiwi to celebrate good ol St. Patrick's day. My dear friend Rachel and her husband Lionel are in town from St. Louis for the weekend and were a little surprised to learn that I cook a dozen eggs for breakfast. They were probably a little more shocked when they witnessed my almost two year old daughter eat more eggs and mushrooms then the two of them combined.

After breakfast and a race to get dressed, Rachel, Lionel and I met with the other board members of the Haiti Mission Project. This is an organization that started about five years back when we kind of just stumbled into it. We were leading trips already to Haiti and it sort of evolved into this non profit that supports Haitians helping Haitians. That's what we do. We aren't out to build anything, start a clinic or another orphanage. We aren't on the ground in Haiti and we understand it would be foolish for us to know how to run things there. So, we visit the country multiple times a year, we listen to stories, we grow our relationships there, and then we speak out for those Haitians who are doing amazing work on the ground in Haiti and we find support for them here. I love what we do and we get to partner with amazing people down in Haiti.

One thing I love about working with this crew of people is how open, honest and nonjudgmental we all are towards each other. We have this really incredible healthy communication and common love and understanding for the country. We understand we are on the same side and the same team to get things done. We discuss our options and everyone pitches in to get things done. I get to be apart of this really incredibly beautiful relationship with these folks, and it is truly an honor. My time these last two years on the board has felt very small, and even in communicating my concern for my future with the organization and what I can give, I am met with encouragement, prayer, love and understanding. Being in that meeting today gave me renewed dedication to what we are doing.

I am excited for the projects we have on the table right now, projects that you will hear about soon, and I am most excited about our process of figuring out what our future looks like as an organization and as a board. The HMP is in a very exciting time and I am so thankful to be apart of it.

After the all day meeting, everyone piled into the car and we headed back from the east side to the west side of the cities to meet Paul and the kids for dinner. But this was not to be any ordinary dinner. Big had requested that we take his very special Godmother Rachel and Godfather Lionel to his favorite restaurant, the Chinese Buffet. Now I know what you are thinking, you have got to be kidding me! I know you are thinking it because I think it. Paul and I used to pride ourselves in finding amazing locally owned joints to eat at. However, with our diet restrictions, we don't venture much anymore. We know that at the Chinese Buffet by our house, they have a Mongolian BBQ station where Big can load up on all the shrimp and veggies he wants with no worries of oils or sauces.

So dressed in our green beads, we eat at the Chinese Buffet. I should mention that this weekend, two of my kids Godparents are in town, so this was a special night for us. And to celebrate Godparent time, our friend Tad dressed himself in a green kilt. Oh yeah, that's right, and I didn't get a picture. We were too busy starting and appreciating the kilt to take a picture.

The only time we could tear our eyes away was when we were in shock and awe at the amount of my food my children can consume. At one point, Big had an entire plate of shrimp, (ENTIRE plate mind you) and said, "Game on". My stomach hurt watching it.

We don't usually let our children eat gobs and gobs of food, but when at the Buffet, eat like its a Buffet. Plus we figure, we can't afford to give him that much shrimp, so let him eat it there!

After an amazing board meeting, a dinner I didn't have to cook or clean up after, my day just got better with the promise of a bonfire. And bonfire we did.

We pulled out the chairs, the drinks, the wood and we enjoyed a beautiful, perfect, bugless night by the fire. We had some more friends join us for the evening and enjoy the company of Rachel and Lionel and that just fed the fire for the party.

I took my friend up to the balcony to get a great look at the city skyline view from our house now that the home next door was tore down. That's when we noticed the two car loads of cops come running with guns drawn across the alley in the backyard of the home behind us. (No worries, all little people are tucked snug in their beds at this point.) Ironically we aren't really worried, just fascinated and curious to see what happens. Then we notice, what at first we thought was a man, but then later discovered was a woman comes walking down the alley and stands at the fence watching all the action. Curious right? The cops are looking for someone, and we are pretty sure they arrest someone in the front yard. We see two squad cars leave and an unmarked cop car pull away. Random he/she is still standing at the back fence watching and talking on the phone. The rest of our fun get together are sitting around the fire, laughing and has no clue what we just saw.

We stand at the balcony fascinated and curious to see what will happen next. Random he/she is spotted by a man in the yard and there is some yelling and language I don't want to repeat here being said. The he/she doesn't leave, but instead sits on the hood of the car parked in the alley just behind their home. A couple minutes later, the cops show up again and forces the she (we have decided its a she at this point)to leave. She does.

HOWEVER, immediately after that, a van pulls up, not across the alley, but across the street to our right and out pours a dozen men wearing black vests. Seriously, they are pouring out the back of the van like its a clown car. Now, I quickly glance over, and all I notice is the vests. This immediately takes me back to when my children and I were run down by the SWAT team this summer and I just witnessed all sorts of shaddy behavior in our back alley, so I think, the SWAT team has been called in.

It is at this point that we decide to let the rest of our guests in on what is happening. I did this by quietly shouting, "It's time to get in the house! The SWAT team is here after the cops with drawn weapons just left. Get in the house."

That is when my guests look across the street and inform me its a Mariachi band. I argued, totally confident that I was right and they were wrong, but after taking a closer look and finally noticing the instruments strapped to their backs, I conceded. I had no idea that a Mariachi band lived on the corner of our street, but now I do, and no one here tonight will ever let me forget that. I am the gal who called everyone in for safety because the Mariachi band came home. Seriously though, how many men can fit in that van and why don't they use the side doors like normal people.

But because we have drawn so much attention to the shady happenings going on across the alley, the whole party moved up to the balcony and it was from there that we watched the creepy lady walk back to the fence. Yes, the lady that was escorted off the property was now creeping back toward the home. I couldn't believe how entertained we all were for the next hour as we watched her creep toward the house, then run away when someone came by, until she finally after a gentleman left the home, this lady crept up to the house and went in the back door!

I considered it B and E since the cops told her to leave, so I, uh... called 911. The evening was getting interesting and I'm sure we all were in agreement that this was so much better than cable. Once the lady was inside, she locked the guy out! She has guts is all I'm saying. While the original gentleman said some choice words and was figuring out how to get back into home, we danced a little, sang a little, and told lots of funny stories. We also found out that our favorite pastor in the whole world was sick and maybe a little too high on meds to come for a visit.

Once the gentleman got his keys and let himself inside the house, there was nothing. No cops showed up, no guns fired, and no yelling. I'm not gonna lie, after waiting an hour and watching that lady creep around and then break into a house for drugs or stolen property, we aren't sure which, we kind of wanted some action.

But alas, maybe they all kissed and made up.

Probably not, since its been three hours and I just heard more yelling.

It was such a fun and random day. It started out with great clarity and looking at some focus coming into play with the HMP, to someone else making dinner, to major drama and excitement around the bonfire tonight.

It was so entertaining. But as fun as it was to watch, I am hoping that everyone in that house is OK.

It was a full night relishing our lives in the hood.

Once Paul and I had friends over years ago and we were watching Black Hawk Down. All of a sudden the lights went out, in a very pivotal moment of the movie I might add, and we saw sirens and heard yelling out our window. Turned out, the house next to our neighbors was burning down. We stood on the balcony and watched that action about 8 years ago. This is a close second.

I wasn't ready

I wasn't ready for yesterday.

It was the first beautiful day which means playing outside with neighborhood friends which meant TONS of request for outside toys which are buried behind building materials from the construction of our home this winter. So they just ran around the house over all the cement and nails and glass. Seriously.

There is a ton of small bits of debris in the yard from the construction and when you pair that with curious kids and apparently complete mental block, kids get hurt, things get broke.

Somehow yesterday, in the excitement of spring and our friends we haven't played with in months, the kids were really anxious to provide me with lots of opportunity to remind them of all the rules. ALL the rules. It was like there were magnets for doing stupid crap.

When it was dinner time and Paul and I were talking with the kids about our behavior outside and how even in our excitement, we are still Christians and should behave as such. We are still control of our selves. Because we weren't ready for this "How do we play outside and what are our rules" conversation, we just kept looking at each other like, "uh....was there something else?" It was a very moving, convincing family meeting. Five minutes later we found our kid breaking one of the rules.

(You have to understand that with the tornado last spring, everything changed here. Fences are down, houses are gone, debris was everywhere. The rules changed. The layout of their play area changed. They played different and unfortunately it meant pushing LOTS of boundaries in what is respectful and not.)

I get that in the summer we stay up a little later, but we are still in school. I also forgot that when boys play outside, they stink and they are dirty when they come inside. So in my freshly cleaned house, were three rowdy, dirty kids ready for their baths.

Oh, yea. They need to be cleaned.

Crap, I wasn't ready for this task, because now they will be even later getting to bed and not getting sleep which they so desperately need as they are still adjusting from day light savings.

I ran those kids through the bath like it was a factory for cleaning kids. Wash, rinse, lotion, PJ's, teeth.

There are dirty clothes everywhere, water everywhere, friends pounding on the door and peeking through the window still wanting to play, and my kids screaming at the top of their lungs that its time for bed.

Good grief.

Once stories were read, and prayers were said, they were all in their beds giggling and telling stories. I looked at my husband who said he was waiting for me to print our statement of completion for the bank because he just got off the phone with our contractor and the one we mailed in was blank.

Awesome.

15 minutes later, we have all of our paperwork printed, Paul is on a mission to get it signed by the other owner of the home, we can't find keys, kids are having issues with the bathroom, and monsters on the walls, (for some reason middle really hated his room last night and was plaqued all night long with nightmares. Not sure where that came from.) and my friend who has come over to hang out has now successfully washed and dried all my dishes.

It felt like constant reacting, or catching up or parenting on the fly all evening. I wasn't ready and I couldn't keep up. I was faced with making choices that I hadn't even known were questions. It was an exhausting night.

We need to figure out some boundaries for playing outside in the hood.

I need a plan.

Don't give up

We all have something that we want in life. Maybe it’s a dream, maybe it’s a lifestyle or an education, or a job, it could be a hundred different things.

In my experience, the thing that we want never seems to be easy to obtain. It takes work. It takes work to make that dream happen and it takes work to maintain it.

I have found though that when you work for it and you stand in the midst of experiencing your dream, it’s worth it. All the hours, the sacrifices, the struggles, all the work is worth it, and fuels you to keep working at it.

In my family, Paul and I both have dreams and we love pursuing them, and supporting each other in dreaming and doing what we can to make them come true. (Unavoidable life experiences happen, but when it is within your control to push forward, we do.) It takes a lot of work to make two dreamers content with life. Staying still when needed and pushing forward when able to do so. I would have said last year that it takes works to make our family happen in a healthy way. Now in our new year of dietary restrictions, school schedules, and living a dozen hours from family, it takes a LOT of work to make our life and dreams happen in a relatively healthy way.

Last year when I would prepare to be gone and speak for the weekend, I would do hours of writing prep, I would select my wardrobe, I would arrange for travel, I would pack my merchandise, I would make sure Paul had diapers, one meal already prepared, and groceries bought so he could just spend time with the kiddos. That was basically my checklist and it took me two days to make my dream come true.

I have found in our busy season that it takes me all week to prepare to leave for a weekend away. We have food items that are at certain specialty stores, so in one week it’s a stop at four different places to feed my family. On top of grocery shopping, I prepare all the meals ahead of time for my kids and then prepare snacks and small items for me to bring along so that I too can eat and not be a burden on my hosts. With adding good ole down home cooking, there is also our school schedule. We are not in activities yet, so we aren’t running around in the evenings, but school does mean packing the other kids up twice a day to take and pick up Big from school. It takes time. But it also means when I am gone, I need to arrange someone else to do the driving, and make sure there are notes to teachers, and directions for drivers, etc. The list goes on.

If we want to see our kids, that means being extra prepared so that you can prepare a little each day, play with the kids a little each day, pack a little each day, cook a little each day.

It would be a lot easier to stay home.

But staying home doesn’t make my dream come true. Doesn’t make what I believe God has gifted me with happen. Not working for it will never make my dream a reality.

It takes work to make dreams come true. It takes work to have intentional family time, to prepare devotions, to arrange your schedule to have quality time with your spouse, with your kids, and the Lord to remain healthy and balanced. It takes work when all that is said and done to say, now I push forward on making my dream happen. Now I get myself back in my kitchen to prepare food for my family so I can be gone. Now I get off the couch and workout so my body doesn’t fall apart and I feel better. After all that is said and done, now I write. Now I read. Now I paint. Now I play my instrument.

Now I make my dream happen.

After I used EVERY dish, I’m not kidding, every dish in my kitchen this past week to prepare all eight meals for the weekend for us while we were gone, I thought to myself, this is crazy. This is a lot of work. Why are doing this?

Then I watched my husband take the stage in front of 800 people. I love watching him play. He’s alive when he plays. He is at his best when he plays. He is connected to his soul more then ever when plays. I experience how different our family time is when we are away from home. The games my kids and I play together, and the fun we have because we get to come with dad once in awhile. And it’s worth it.

The work to make your dreams come true are worth it. Don’t give up. Keep pushing forward. Find the balance. Learn when to say no, but don’t give up. No one applauds the daily dirty work to make your life happen. Its what you do if you believe in your dream enough. The daily work isn’t to be praised by others, its for your own growth, your own depth of character to appreciate when the dream happens.

Don't give up.

In never giving up, most of what makes it so much work is putting God and family first. It’s making sure you still see your kids, you still laugh with your spouse, you still sit and read together at night. That you find time to snuggle and play. Those aren’t the sacrifices you make to have dreams come true. Make sure those things still happen cause you’ll never get those moments back. Fight hard to find the balance and never give up.

Side note: I know there are short cuts to not preparing every meal. We have LarBars for meals, we eat all fresh fruit and veggies for snacks, we eat scrambled eggs for dinner, or veggies and hummus. I cut my corners, but mostly we also value health, and want to make sure we never cut corners when it comes to feeding and training our kids about food.

Family meeting

We don't always succeed, but we try. We have gone weeks without a family meeting and have suffered the consequences. Life is so much better for us with a family meeting.

If you are anything like me I have a list of things I need to tell my husband after he comes home from work. Things that happened, things I'm thinking about, plans we need to make, schedules we need to coordinate. If your partner is anything like mine, he isn't thinking about those things. He isn't ready to hear all the things going on in my head. He needs some time to prepare for what's coming.

We had spent years trying to communicate in this way. Me trying to bring Paul up to speed as soon as he walks in the door, and him, trying his very hardest to balance work, the kids, projects, my wishes and desires, and his own plans. These weren't our finest moments. Sometimes work got accomplished, but mostly we were both just left feeling hurt, unheard, and disrespected.

That's why over a year ago we instituted our family meeting. Since the kids are a little older, we include them once a week in our schedule meeting, and Paul and I actually created the managers meeting.

Once a week, at a designated time we sit down and hash out all of our family business. Now it isn't necessarily the same day each week, sometimes it doesn't work that way. However, the week before we would have looked at our upcoming schedule and so we would have set our date for the next managers meeting.

In our managers meeting we start with prayer. This is hands down my favorite moment in our meeting. This prayer time allows us to refocus. To center ourselves, our plans, and our agenda. It forces us to put things in perspective. This time also allows me to hear what is on my husbands heart. Things that maybe he is struggling with that I didn't know about. I get a chance to hear his heart, his desires, his insecurities, his concerns, all the things he wants to lay on God's shoulders. It gives me insight into what is going on in his heart that maybe we didn't get a change to talk about because life got in the way. And the very opposite is true. He gets the chance to hear all these things from me.

Once we've prayed, we pull out our schedule and go through our week. We start with the most important items first, when can Paul and I get time and when do we spend time together as a family. Once those items are decided we look at what else is in our schedule for the week, the month ahead and on the cusp of each busy quarter, we look a few months ahead.

Then we bring out our notepad.

The notepad is where we have put the items to discuss for the entire week. This has saved so many disagreements, frustrations, and arguments. Instead of dumping my ideas on Paul right when he gets home or sporadically during the week, I have already put them on the notepad to discuss during our meeting. I can't tell you how helpful this is. When Paul and I come to the family meeting, both our minds are ready and prepared to discuss the family, the house, issues, whatever, it doesn't matter, we are both mentally present. Before, Paul wasn't ready to hear all the things I needed to discuss with him, or I wouldn't communicate it properly because I had already put so much thought into my ideas and I would only bring him into the discussion after I had already decided on a course of action. Waiting for the meeting forces me to think things through and how to communicate effectively to Paul and it allows Paul time to think about it and process whatever it is. (Please realize that we do talk during the week. Sometimes things on the notepad get talked about before the meeting, and often we talk about how we are feeling during our days, but the notepad frees us to leave it if we need, or force us to talk about issues when we haven't had time before hand. We aren't weirdos that won't talk to each other until meeting time. That's just strange.)

We can both put items on the notepad, it’s not a secret. Things that come up on the notepad have ranged from school for the kids, when are we going to clean out the garage, are we going to investigate new car insurance, what do we do about chores for the kids, Lu seems ready to potty train, how will we approach that, etc. Everything is up for grabs in these meetings. The best part is it makes us a team to discuss them together. We each can have an opinion and then we will together decide on the best course of action.

At the end of discussing the items on the notepad, we divide up the responsibilities and walk away with homework, or projects to be completed and reported back on the following week. This may seem ridiculous to you, but what is the point of discussing things that need to get done if no one is going to accomplish them. Someone has to re caulk the tub. Someone needs to get the oil changed, and so forth.

We end our meeting asking how we are doing individually and as a couple. It is a time to share with your partner what you are struggling with, excited about, or need from them.

Some may think that having a managers meeting once a week is extreme or just a recipe for a control crazed mom. But Paul and I do a lot of different things. We are land lords, home owners, he does freelance design work on top of his job, plus his band. I run the household, plus have my speaking career, so it is a lot to keep straight. We discovered that the weekly meeting respected our partner and our time. It created healthy conversation and turned us into a team that works together instead of tag teaming separately. Paul and I have noticed that by intentionally taking some of our time and setting it aside we grow closer together and more towards our goals.

Last year it was hard to be consistent with our family meeting. We were very successful at the beginning, and then a new diet hit, I was cooking all the time and then a tornado hit and we felt lost for the next couple months. We were barely holding on. Over New's years, we both said the one thing we need to make happen this year consistently is our managers meeting. We both knew we felt better about our lives, our marriage and our parenting if we did it together as a team.

So a couple months ago I told you that this was our year of being intentional and I would tell you what that looks like for us. This is step one, and the most important to us. Now we are human, so we will most likely miss a few weeks, we already have in complete honesty. But we try. We don’t want to wake up years down the road and say, “What happened? Where did the time go? Why didn’t we pay attention more? Why didn’t we try saving more? Why didn’t we talk more?” By being intentional, we want to make the most of our lives now.

Daily strength

This may sound very basic to you, but for me, I was recently convicted about modeling daily devotion time to our kids.

Now I get it, I really do. We are all really busy, there are always things to do, blah, blah, blah. In my book that excuse is only getting me so far these days. I have realized more and more than we are in control of what we say yes to and how we design the lives that we are given. We have a choice to slow down. We have a choice to choose TV or reading or cleaning or painting or shopping or whatever. Outside of work, which we still have some choice in, we choose how to spend our free time. We have to say yes or no to commitments, activities, get together, etc. So in my book, there is time, if you make it, to read a few verses in scripture everyday.

We all agree that food fuels our bodies. We can't survive without the daily, or more specifically hourly input to keep us going, to keep us healthy and functioning.

As believers we understand that same truth to be said for our soul. We understand that without nourishment, we drown. Without refuel, our soul becomes weak. We need the constant reconnection, the constant reminder of God's unfailing love and kindness towards mankind. I would dare say that our own life demands this rekindling if it is to survive.

So why is it that we let this fall to the wayside? Why is it that this is the piece that we can't find time for? God had been challenging my heart in regard to this, but then my deeper conviction was clear as day.

How are my children going to know that daily nourishment is critical to their faith survival? I remember being in High School and all of a sudden I was old enough to be taught that this was important.

Well, if brushing your teeth are so important that we learn that from infancy, then why aren't we taught to teach our children this?

When this question hit me, I had no answer for it. I had no excuses for it. I had been praying to God to show me how to raise our kids to love him with their whole heart. I had been praying for wisdom in how to teach his word in a way they won't want to reject. This is one of the things that came to me and I had no reason with which to argue.

So if it is important to feed our soul as much as our body for not just survival but also to thrive, then how do I do that?

Well for us right now, it means we instituted "Feed your body, feed your soul" in the morning over breakfast. I didn't take a lot of time to create this name, it just kind of came to me when I was describing this to the kids.

We as a family discussed what the word of God is, how God gave it to us to read and be encouraged and find instruction in how to live our life. How it brings hope and healing when we are sad and lonely, and it teaches us how to love others. It is necessary to read the Bible to strengthen our faith, our soul.

Thus started, "Feed your body, feed your soul."

We basically pull our Bible during breakfast to read a few verses that can sit in our heart and on our brain for the day. The fact that we are eating and feeding our body is a convenient reminder to feed our soul.

Now you must know that this is NOT a planned Devotion, we have another scheduled time for that as a family. This is not a very deep and spiritual time. We don't have question and answer time, and we don't figure out a way to solve world peace. I have small children. I'm just trying to get them to hear three words I say most of the time. The important thing I am trying to pass along is

1. yes the word of God. I believe it is alive and active and when my children hear it, they are fed.

2. even more than that, we are trying to pass along a habit, a way of life, a discipline in creating a healthy faith life. I am confident they are not listening everyday, but what I also know is that when they are helping set the table, they also bring the Bible. It's already sticking. My prayer is that this will continue for them into the teenage years and long into adulthood. I want them to ask, "Have I fed my body today? Have I fed my soul today?"

We don't really have a plan right now. We started with the sermon on the mount. That seemed like a great place to start. Big suggested we start at the beginning and just read the whole thing, like we did with their kid Bible. I giggled a little cause I thought, I have always wanted to read through the whole Bible, so I guess this is how that could happen, except it will take four years to do a few verses at a time.

This is was one way that Paul and I wanted to practice our intentional living lifestyle as parents.

Intentional

This is the slogan in our house this year. We want to live under this banner and see how it changes our lives.

On New Years Eve Paul and I like to go through our calendar and review the year. We relive memories and share our hearts and thoughts on the things that happened. Then we look at the new calendar and make plans. We set goals that feel slightly achievable and that won't make us feel like crap if we don't meet them. We see what we did that we want to change and what we want to keep.

Paul and I noticed only one thing from this past year.

It was CRAZY!!!

Last winter at this time we were dealing with a baby and a child whose body was being poisoned and he didn't know how to live with it, all the while trying to homeschool and research schools for the next year. We were having multiple daily meltdowns, me specifically, and calling mom and crying at least twice a day, me again. I try to tell people what a mess I am, but so many don't seem to believe me. Just spend more than three days with me, and you'll discover all my hidden faults and weaknesses.

After months of chaotic crazy yelling, fighting, pushing, timeouts, spankings, stress, guilt, apologies, forgiveness and crying, crying, and more crying along with guilt, we got Big tested and discovered our life changer, Leaky gut and food sensitivities. So we changed our diet, then a tornado hit our house and our lives haven't been the same since. We had Big tested a couple more times since the initial blood test and we have then discovered more food sensitivities, chemical in balance and inability to naturally detox.

With the way life was happening, Paul and I keep talking about being intentional. Call it planning, proactive, big picture living, whatever. We call it intentional. We have made plans and ideas and schedules to help us live intentionally.

When we are intentional our lives thrive and relationships deepen. When Paul and I are intentional about our time together, planning for our family, spiritual preparation and execution, we experience real peace. We experience a richness in our lives that comes from setting time aside to prepare for life.

On New Year’s eve, Paul and I made lots of lists. We made schedules and dreams and plans. Our goal is not to fail, nor to feel guilty when things aren’t accomplished, but instead, we want a road map so we know where we are going. We are exhausted of being exhausted and making it up as we go along and always, always being 10 steps behind. We have been living in survival mode for more than a year and its time to start slowing down and digging in to make the most of our lives.

For instance, Paul and I picked one life project to accomplish each month. January was tax and file organization. It’s Feb. 1 and my files are 40% organized and I haven’t touched my tax stuff. But I did organize the kids toys, which is Feb. project. So, I won’t have guilt, I am on a road to success and I promise to have patience with myself.

I will share some of the other fun intentional things that Paul and I have planned in my next few posts, so stay tuned. But in the mean time, I hope you will have time to be patient with yourself as you find ways to be intentional in the way you do life. Find peace, and joy and happiness and faith in the preparation.

Simplicity

Two beds
One Bathroom
Five plates
Five bowls
Five sets of silverware
Five glasses
One fry pan
Two sauce pans
One coat per person
One drawer of clothes per person
One weeks worth of food and no more
One deck of cards
One box of crayons
One box of markers
Old scrap paper and one coloring book
One backpack of toys for three kids to share
Six books

Simplicity.

At home we have multiples of everything it seems. Plates and cups and bowls galore. To eat on, to play with, or to serve with in case 30 people show up. We have a whole drawer of crayons, pencils, markers, and paint. A WHOLE DRAWER! (I could do a lot with that drawer.) We have a dress coat, a ski coat, a spring coat, a green coat, a jean jacket. I have three pairs of mittens and hats per kid in case we have friends who need them, or we loose a pair. We have snow boots, rain boots, and dress boots. We have two pantries of food. And our house isn't even that big. We have toys and books galore. We have clothes in access. We have shelves of movies we never watch. We are storing furniture we never use.

It takes me ten minutes to clean our hotel room because it isn't littered in stuff. I don't have anything to organize because all of our simple things have a place to be.

I can't believe how free I have felt this week. I have had extra time to read to my kids. To talk to my husband. To color. To write. To read for myself. To invest in the people in my life and myself. I have experienced what it feels like to not be burdened down with stuff.

We drove to our house today to drop a load of laundry off. Sitting outside waiting for Paul, I could feel my anxiety rise. I look at that house and I see projects for all my stuff. Cleaning my stuff. Organizing my stuff. Filing my stuff. Purging my stuff. Putting my stuff away. Washing our stuff. Picking up our stuff. Labeling our stuff.

SO MUCH STUFF!

We need so little to live. We need so little to be happy. We need even less to have thriving, healthy relationships.

I feel like I purge our home twice a year and I am always amazed at how much I get rid of. And now, after this week and the experience of the freedom of stuff, I can't wait to go home and purge even more.

I have stuff cluttering my life. I have stuff cluttering my brain. I have stuff cluttering my heart. I have stuff cluttering my time. I have stuff cluttering my relationships.

I want less.

I want simple.

I want more life.

I want less stuff.

But I want to keep the maid.

And the free coffee.

And the free wine.

Can I do that?

Downtown Scavenger Hunt

The Tietjen's are staying down this week due to the final repairs being done in our home from the Tornado almost nine months ago. It was a lot of work to find a hotel that provided a full kitchen, two rooms and was close to school and work, which are both downtown. We lucked out and are staying at the Depot.

Once here we discovered that the pool is only open on the weekends. This was a bit of a shock to me and my plans of spending all of our free time in the pool. My kids have Friday off of school, so I thought, what am I going to do with them during the day stuck in a hotel room?

Well, the pool opens in the afternoon, so that left the morning. Paul works downtown, just a few blocks away, so I decided to take the kids on a downtown adventure. Before we got going, I grabbed a piece of paper and drew 12 empty boxes, then I filled in each square with something they had to find on our walk. If we found all 12 things, we got 15 extra minutes at the water park. I tried to think of things that would be easy to spot, but not all once. I included a tree, someone riding a bike, the river, a sculpture, a bookstore, someone using their manners, someone drinking coffee, etc. Random stuff like that.

So I gathered the kids around then brought out my Bible and shared with them what I had read in my devotion yesterday morning. It was Philippians 2:14, "Do everything without complaining or arguing." We decided this would be our motto for the day. We could remind each other about it when someone started to slip up. (Which we all did when we all REALLY needed to go the bathroom. It was very helpful.) After we talked about that, we brought out our game, discussed the rules, and we were set to go.

We started with stretches.


I had brought Rice Chocolate milk, since my kids can't get anything at a coffee shop, and I heated it up in our room and poured it in travel cups. They felt like grown ups and we had a warm beverage to start our winter walk. Little finished hers before we left the hotel. That girl and her chocolate, seriously.


We started out by heading to the Guthrie which is this architectural dream and the only building in the United States by this particular designer. It has a beautiful bridge that looks out over the water, and a fun see through floor when you make it up nine flights.


We spent some time there, and took some fun photo's.


The first would be the fact that my kids all passed out and laid down because they were so tired after five blocks. They have no social etiquette yet.




At one point when Middle was standing over the looking glass floor staring at the street and he cried, "I'm scared! I'm scared! My heart is beating wildly!" That kid cracks me up.


This is a bad shot, but you can see the ground in the yellow part.

After the Guthrie we headed back towards the high rises and the skyway to wander around, explore and meet up with Paul for lunch. During our walk, (which by the way, Little walked all ten blocks by herself and only on about block 11 did she asked to be carried. She was not going to get outdone by her brothers.) the kids were picking up dirty ice/snow chunks and calling them ice crystals. I looked at them. Thought about it. Then I decided I didn't care. Let them play with dirty snow with gloves on. It makes 'em happy.





We walked slowly. We found stuff on our scavenger hunt and crossed it off. We found cool little nooks for forts and played a while. We starred at the river. Then we finally made it to the sky way bathroom.

That's where we took this picture.



The kids were rewarded with a juice that they shared.



Then we found dad for lunch at Chipotle. You can eat Gluten/Dairy/Soy/Sugar/Meat free there. It's great!



Paul sent us on his own adventure in the sky way to find him. He sent us photo clues on my phone to let us know we were headed in the right direction. It was super fun!

14 blocks and waking up early did Little in. We knew it was time to go when the crying would stop matter who held her. She had lost all ability to find reason. So we all made a wish in the wishing pond and headed home while the snow started to fall.

It was a great day downtown. We found everything on our scavenger hunt, so after nap time, (it's eerily quiet here right now) we plan on suiting up and hitting the water park. Now I think I need a nap.

Chinese New Year - The year of the Dragon

Today Big celebrated with his whole school the Chinese New Year. I volunteered to help do the kids face paint. Big was very adamant to clarify it was not make up, it was paint. Like soldiers, or costumes at Halloween.

It was fun to be at his school. I haven't had much opportunity to volunteer there, and that is guilt that I am trying to let go of. Being in his school is always so eye opening because of how little understand. Everything around me is written and spoken in Chinese. It's almost like we put our kid on a different playing field completely that we can't relate to. Really great parenting right?! (He is thriving and loves teaching us all sorts of Chinese, but today it was very apparent how different his life is than one I understand.)

So there I am with the other moms setting up our stations to transform these young one for their big performance that evening. I love going and having the kids say, "Big is that your mom?" I wonder, do they ask cause they love my outfit, (it was great today, one of my favorite actually, hoping Big would be proud of his mama) or do they say it because they wonder who the crazy lady is. (Paul would vote for this option, always.) I love seeing my kids face light up when I show up. He is the light of my life, so I love that the feeling is mutual.

Somehow, in the event of splitting up the painting responsibilities, I got glitter duty.

Oh yeah, that's right, I got to brighten the world today by sprinkling glitter on all the kids faces. That way, when they took the stage and the lights hit them, they would have a little extra something to make them shine.

Here's Big before being painted.



Here's Big with his dragon painting covered in glitter.


I also had dust glitter and a compact with me, so all the girls wanted to be turned into pixie dust fairies and see themselves in the mirror. All the boys wanted red glitter on the flames on their face so that it would be scary. Ha, I love boys and girls.

Here is the class waiting to for the last few kids to get painted.


After the two little ones and I couldn't find any parking and walked half a mile down a main street without a sidewalk in the freezing cold, we made it inside just in time. (can you tell how I feel about that?) When the dragon hit the stage, Little was sitting in her chair and she looked at me and said, "puppy? no no. puppy? no no. all done. bye bye. all done." I took her comment to mean, "I don't like this. Please make that large dog go away." While I appreciate her commentary, all I kept thinking was, "come on girl, that isn't a dog, its a dragon! Who's teaching you the proper animals? Oh crap, that was supposed to me." Needless to say, she was not a fan.



The Yinghua New Year performance allowed each class to feature a song or dance, putting them in the spotlight for their moment in time.

Here are some of the highlights.


Here is a class doing the dragon dance, you know, because its the year of the dragon.



This class reenacted a song/story about a farmer who went out to pick his vegetables. What was really funny about this was the kids dressed up like animals pulling big stuffed felt carrots off the other kids heads. Weird? Yes. And my kids sat there a little confused the whole time.


At this point Little was not sure about any of this. She just kept looking at me and saying, "all done. all done. no no no no. all done" with a look of fear on her face. I wasn't sure if she was against bright colors, fans, little kids, singing, dancing, Chinese people or China in general, bright lights, glitter, the stage, or the costumes. These kind of sound like all things that would get her movin and grovin' but she was having none of it.

She eventually settled into the rhythm of the event and at least got to sporting a bored face instead of scared.


Then she discovered the stairs, her freedom, and she started mimicking all the moves and language. I'm pretty sure she thought she was speaking Chinese. So what did we learn? That my daughter's strong opinion can easily be bought with persuasion and glitter. That it might just take her awhile to warm up to new things, but then once on board, she is your strongest supporter. Or she just felt trapped and gave up and enjoyed the show.


This was one of my favorites. These boys were flirting with the girls, trying to get them to come over to their side of the stage. The girls below were being shy and coy and telling the boys to go away. I like the principles of this school.



Here is Big and his class. They did a very fun dance with paper towel tubes that they decorated, a head band that they braided, and their uniforms. Big wasn't afraid at all, did all the moves and singing and even threw in a few extra hip moves. Oh man, that kid likes to dance, mostly to the tune in his head.




Now a few mom thoughts:

I couldn't believe how big my son felt to me tonight. He was so grown up and I couldn't help it, I cried feeling all those things that mom's feel when their baby is growing up so fast. I am so thankful he is still a snuggler. I would then look over to my other two kids and think, Middle you are going to school next year and you will be up with Big in one year. Man how did that happen?

I was so proud of my son. So, so proud of him. I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was strong, great, silly, goofy, and seriously kept throwing his hips around like he couldn't help it.

When it was all done, I got to throw my arms around and look him in the eye and tell him how great he did. We drove back to the hotel where I had his favorite dinner waiting. After reading stories and brushing teeth, he asked me to pray over him when he was tucked in.

I guess my baby isn't a grown up yet. Thank you Lord.

Saying good bye to our tree (and a hard year)

We wanted one more night with our Christmas tree. We love our Christmas tree (OK, I know I do, so I'll speak for myself.) and we especially love our house at Christmas. We knew we would be taking our tree down the next day so we wanted one more special evening.

After we watched football and dinner was all cleaned up, we turned all our lights off and sat by the twinkling of our tree. Our Batman toys were near by and so was the flashlight so we started first by having a hoppin dance party where Little was amazingly impressive with her moves and facial expressions. (Seriously, that girl has some swinging hips and she likes to use them. Just. to. funny.) We sang jingle bells while the kids danced and found their favorite Batman toys. Then we played batman for a little while, just the five of us, the flashlight and twinkling Christmas tree. It was so great, and its the kids favorite thing to do, and I think they liked that both Paul and I were playing with them. That is a bit more rare. Once we all settled down and snuggled on the floor we sang "Silent Night".

We had kind of been disconnected all day. We had friends over, the TV was on, chores were getting done, but then we paused everything and came together. (never underestimate the power of erasing a bad day with intentional time with the kiddos.) We took time to have a moment together. To hold on the last affect of our tree and its magic and its power. We looked at our ornaments, we sat still, we snuggled, we hugged, we giggled, we came together. We put everything else aside and said, for this moment in time, nothing else matters except each other. It was wonderful.

(My husband has to laugh at me and how everything has a bit of tradition into it. He probably thought we were just going to take the tree down, and then I turned into this, "We have to have a moment." I need moments for everything it seems!)

I am sad to see our tree go. Sad to say goodbye to all the magic Christmas brings. But at the same time, I welcome the normal rhythms of life to come back again. This year has been crazy for us. Our oldest was at his worst struggling point this time last year. We had four months of crying, yelling, screaming, struggling, talking, crying, yelling, crying, and then our diet changed. Then a tornado hit. Then we traveled for a month. Then the diet changed again. Then we started a new job and new school. Then we took a breath.

It's been a big year and we need some of our rhythms back. Our weekly meetings. Our Friday night family night. Our Saturday Sabbath. Our prayer time over the kids. A workout routine. A weekly meal plan. So many healthy habits have fallen to the wayside to make room for survival. (Which is funny since these things only enhance and make survival actually possible.) But we welcome them. We need them. We say bring it on.

Welcome 2012. With you we hope to find our discipline for life again. We hope to find fulfillment again. We hope to see the benefits to all of our relationships that intentional planning can bring.

We hope for a fruitful year. And selfishly, a slightly easier year.


This is not our tree, but here is my family on Christmas Eve at my in-laws down in Texas. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year!

A new family tradition

There are some things we love about Christmas:

Caroling
Looking at Christmas lights
Homemade gifts
Friends and family

This year we are starting a new tradition. In effort to save time, create great memories and put a focus on sharing with others, we decided to combine all these things we enjoy about Christmas together.

For the last couple weeks, the kids and I have been making small tokens of love and appreciation to our friends here in the cities. We like doing this because it isn't the size or price of the gift, but it is a small piece of our time, effort, and heart.

Yesterday at about 3:30 in the afternoon we loaded up our gifts, packed a snack and set out on our family Christmas adventure.

Here are the warm and fuzzies from yesterday:
* All three of my kids wearing their Nana's homemade knitted owl hats lined up in the back seat like sitting ducks.

* Listening to great Christmas music in the car and hearing the kids sing a long while we drive from house to house.

* Teaching the kids new vocabulary words and hearing them trying to use it in a sentence. "Our house is abturt." I think he meant absurd.

* Singing songs on the steps of our friends houses, of which some we surprised and they didn't know we were coming. Those were the best!

* Visiting with a whole different assortment of friends that warm the heart and remind you that God lives fully in so many people.

* Watching my kids Christmas Carol in their Batman and Iron man costume. I don't know if they are confused about Holidays or just really hate their clothes, but more than one person commented on our parental lack of ability to dress our kids.

* The treat from the advent calendar yesterday was glow sticks, which worked out perfect for our adventure. Once it grew dark outside, we were impressed by the light show outside with Christmas lights, and the lighsaber battles inside the car. I don't know which lighting show won.

* Hearing my kids yell, "This song is my favorite!" to EVERY Christmas song on the radio.

* Holding my husbands hand while our kids laugh, sing, yell, squeal, tell stories three octaves louder than all other normal humans. They get that from me, and Paul doesn't find it endearing.

* While going to deliver presents, we ended up being surprised ourselves with homemade crochet earrings, (seriously amazing and so jealous I didn't think of it first!), Captain America toys, (for the boys, not me), and two heavenly bottles of wine. Who knew we would come home with goodies? That was a super fun surprise.

* My husband and I looking at each other at one point in the evening and without using words, we both understood that this was the best tradition to start and we will be keeping this idea for the future.

These are my reality moments from the evening:

* The fact that my kids have slept and still worn the same costumes for about a week, even under their uniform at school, says something about their general smell when you get close and hug.

* Little having a 101 temp and we still dragged her all around town. That girl had sad, sleepy and sick eyes all at the same time. We should have been reprimanded for taking her out, but somewhere deep down, I think she still liked it.

* Driving around and amongst the Christmas lights, we still live in the ghetto damaged by a tornado, so the boards on houses, the debris, the random crap in people's yards were still very evident. We were going for a hallmark moment/evening with our kids, and I think we got the knockoff version, but we still liked it.

* The fact that my kids had a cup of water and half a piece of squash bread for dinner. Do I need to say more about my lack of attention to my children's welfare? In my defense, they never complained or said they were hungry.

* The boys got two different Captain America toys, and of course, there was one very special coveted CA who both the kids needed to have. Thus, ensuring the constant nagging and debating on who's turn it was to play with it, and the constant reminder to share was on all of our lips for the reminder of the evening.

This evening was really special to us. It was a family adventure sprinkled and scattered with amazing people thrown in. We got to sing carols, (at one point we even did the Jingle Bells, Batman smells. yea I let them do that.) and we are not very good at singing. That became very clear to me, but it was super fun. One time Paul and I tried to throw a cookie exchange/caroling party in our hood, and when we went out to carol, NO ONE came to the door. We even had people turn their lights off and pretend they weren't home. It was really sad, so we hadn't tried since. Going to people's homes you know worked much better. We got to deliver small tokens of love that we made which satisfied our longing to love others and respect our income and means. We made memories as a family. We dreamed about where we could put up lights next year when we have gutters, maybe a tree and a fence or a bush. Right now we got nothing. A whole lot of nothing, but that's OK, we are claiming to be energy efficient. And hopefully somewhere along the way, we brought joy to our friends homes and lives even just for a moment. We shared in love and joy and celebration of Christ's birth and celebrated what the holiday is really about.

It is my new favorite tradition.

Merry Christmas.

Oh, and to those of you whom we love in the cities and didn't get to come visit, I am deeply sorry, we couldn't hit everybody, and I made a promise to stop making presents so I could enjoy the season, so we will have to share the joy sometime soon.

Christmas Shopping

The last two weekends have been rough and full of cranky kids, cranky husband and cranky me. The last two weekends we have gone Christmas shopping.

One thing our family does is tries to encourage the kids to think about what they want to give for Christmas as well, so that the holiday always serves as a platform for them to think of others. We usually take two weeks out in Dec. to construct and create all of the kids gifts by hand, so we aren't spending more money, but they are still giving and reusing materials. It teaches them it isn't just about receiving, but also giving. And then truly it isn't even really about that is it? Its about remembering a birth. It's about Hope. It's about Love. Its about Immanuel, God with us.

For the last week, my kids have been melting crayons, we have been making T-shirt bags, painting canvases, gluing and writing Christmas cards, baking granola. It's been fun projects to do together and they are proud of the gifts to give, but it's still been all about presents, whether giving or receiving, whether earth friendly or not.

My husband and I, in an effort to actually mail out presents on time this year, (they aren't wrapped or mailed yet so we don't have a lot of hope) have shopped the last two weekends to get everything finished. We have dragged three cranky kids to malls and stores, we have issued threats, had time outs, bought presents we weren't even thrilled about that I know I'll need to return, we missed a meal, we prayed for help, we screamed our head off at the thought of being in a cart again,(no that wasn't me, but I did receive all the dirty looks at my freakshow of a daughter and her ability to hit only Maria Carey notes) and we turned an opportunity for family fun and productivity into a huge cranky mess. The last two Sunday's, we have sat around our table and looked at each other and have said, "Not our best day. What was our problem?" To which one of my kids would reply, "you made me mad today." And I would say, "yea I know. you made me mad today too." "yeah, I know" was the answer I got. We would chuckle a little at our mess of a day and say, "better tomorrow"!

See the stress for my husband and I is that we do one present for each person we buy for including our kids. Our kids get new PJ's on Christmas eve, one present from us and one from Santa, so officially they do get three presents, two being toys. When you limit yourself to only two presents, which I love by the way, it creates a new mental breakdown when you are trying to get something that you know your kid wants, yet, stays in your price range, while also trying to get them something that maybe they didn't know they wanted, but you know they will love. The match between desire, price, and time makes it extra hard to shop. My husband and I HATE spending money on presents, just to have a present, we want it to be a good, thoughtful, useful present. For aunts, uncle's, grandparents and kids, you only get one present so you want to make it count.

We've never had a lot of money, and this year with our new diet restrictions, money is even tighter, which makes Christmas feel extra hard. Our kids are older, and very aware and bright. I just wonder if this is the Christmas they discover, since they can compare notes with other kids at school, how lame their parents really are. That pressure gets to me. I hate that its there, I hate that I can see it and feel it and that I am tempted to buy into it.

This year, so many people helped my little family in such big ways. My heart is still overwhelmed by the generosity of our friends and neighbors and church. I have been trying to make Christmas presents, truly just small tokens of gratitude, to give to people this year for Christmas. I want to, but yet, now there is this pressure to keep crafting and making long into the evening to get it done.

My husband and I pulled out all of our presents tonight to take inventory and see where we were at, and we looked at each other, neither being overly excited about the "system" of presents. Unhappy at our lack of funds, remembering our own childhood and bringing our own expectations to the table, each having our own desire for what we want Christmas to be, and what we teach our children Christmas is. It was confusing and hard, and now I have a bunch of present to wrap. So even though, we made it through the buying and deciding, there is now wrapping.

That's when it creeped up on me. Even in our greatest effort, to reduce the gifts, reuse and make our own gifts, teach about giving to our children, presents have become a huge distraction. We've tried to make the distraction spiritual and holy, but its still a distraction. One that creeps up on you and takes precious time away from focusing on what Christmas really is. Today in the message at church we were looking at the slow and steady decline into sin. The picture of how to boil and cook a frog was used. The song with the line, "people don't crumble in a day" was used. We take baby steps away from God and towards something else, until we suddenly realize we are lost.

I have gotten lost. I have turned my good intention, my desire to thank those who mean so much to me, and my children away from what really matters. I have slipped into the dark side of Christmas. My only moment of peace today was when we were doing our devotion and singing "Away in the Manger" and "Silent Night". It was when we were focused on the sustaining love of God and His immense dedication to help us out of sin and hurt and pain.

So with my new found clarity, I want to spend the rest of my Christmas season focused on one thing. I will wrap the presents I have, and mail, hopefully the ones I have purchased, but the rest will wait till after Christmas.

My husband and I have found that after we do something together, whether it be a holiday, party, get together, or even seasons of our life, we look at one another and say, "OK, how did that go? What went well? What went bad? What won't do again next year?" Last year we stripped a lot out of our schedule with this evaluation process and have been much happier since.

I already know what my answer will be for next Christmas,

No more Christmas letter, but maybe an Easter letter.

Christmas will also not be the time when I thank people and want to give them a token of my love and appreciation. I will be a random day to be celebrated each year where I can take my time creating and crafting my thank you presents. I will have less stress and more time to focus on Christ at Christmas.

Downsize the amount of people we buy presents for.

I have to figure out where crafting with my kids for their presents comes in. Maybe we have have a crafting camp week some time in the summer and do it all then, that way we still have time to keep the focus on what really matters at Christmas.

Christ. Hope. Love. Redemption. Forgiveness.

Man I had lost myself this year. I didn't even realize it until I wrote this. Now all of my confusion and crankiness makes sense. It wasn't obvious to me at first because I thought we were being honorable in how we approached it, dealt with it, and didn't go into debt over it, but IT was still taking all our time, focus, and energy, and thus being our Christmas idol. We say NO MORE.

With clarity, I am now free.

A homemade thanksgiving

I am a little surprised to report that my very first allergen free Thanksgiving was my easiest, and laid back. It was a near perfect day, with the exception of a few moments of miscommunication paired with tiredness, it was glorious.

Thanksgiving is a day to celebrate the harvest and the feast, and in MN there is usually snow on the ground which was always weird to me. Thanksgiving is still a fall holiday, but it rarely feels that way, with the exception of yesterday where we celebrated Thanksgiving with 62 degrees. It was glorious!

I want to start this blog by saying my parents are irreplaceable to making Thanksgiving happen in this house. My amazing mother puts up with me making everything from scratch and using every dish in the kitchen and she just faithfully and cheerfully washes all the dishes and gets me all my ingredients and allows to me to just create and cook and bake. It's this incredible gift that I get every year and it really is the ONLY way I can pull off the meal. My dad, cleans and moves tables and watches and plays with the kids. He takes out garbage and runs errands, they are just really the most incredible people. Thank you mom and dad, I couldn't do life without you! I love you!

So Wednesday evening, my mom and I head to the kitchen after we spent the afternoon and dinnertime downtown with Paul, and make five pie crusts, (two regular and three GF). We mix up three pumpkin pies, make GF waffles for the bread crumbs for the Mac and Cheese. After the waffles are done and drying out, I grate up the zucchini and make zucchini bread for lunch the next day. While the bread is baking, I mix up all the dry ingredients and mix up all the wet ingredients for pumpkin scones for breakfast. I put those away to be made fresh in the morning. I had found a recipe for coconut milk whipped topping and we tried it, but to no success. While I made my mom stand there whisking it for 15 minutes, Big came out of bed and came and gave me a big hug and said, "Thank you mommy for thinking of me and cooking all the things I can eat." Ahh... it melts my heart and makes it all worth it. At about 1130pm, we called it quits and got some rest.

Thanksgiving morning, the kids are up early with excitement for the day they have been waiting for. They got up and finished up their place mats for their friends coming over that day. I made a fresh pot of coffee and mixed up the scones. While they were still warm, we drizzled maple syrup over top and they were delicious!


After breakfast, we turned on the TV to watch all the prep for the big Thanksgiving day parade until it was time to leave for church.

I love going to church on Thanksgiving. It is a great reminder in the middle of all the prep to take a step back and remember the one who is responsible for all the blessings in our life. The music, the readings and the message pointed our hearts back toward our creator who I am most thankful for.

After church, we came home to a crazing lunch of zucchini bread, nuts, carrots, apple slices, carrots and snap peas, pickles and olives, chips and salsa while my dad cheered for the Lions and Big cheered for the packers. (not sure when or how that happened, but we all think its a little weird in this house.)



Probably the best part of the day for me came when Paul took the boys outside to play catch during the second half of the game. If you have followed our story at all, then you know a tornado hit our neighborhood back in May. About a week ago they just tore down our neighbor's house, and they won't rebuild for four years. So now we sit as the corner house on our block with this big empty lot next door. It's amazing and crazy weird at the same time. We aren't used to having space, having room to breath and run and play. We have a really small yard, but now there is all this space to play! They had space to play right at the house instead of needing to go down to the park! The window's were open, the game was on, my dad was resting on the couch, mom and I were cooking in the kitchen with great music playing and we were listening to the boys play outside. It was one of those perfect wonderful moments that I want to take with me for years to come.





We had friends join us in the afternoon and we gathered around the table to eat at 530pm.


Here are the kids at thier table.


Here is Little in her seat saying cheese!


Here is almost everyone gathered around our Thanksgiving feast.


We had two turkeys, stuffing and creamy mashed potatoes for my hubby and guests, a creek quinoa made by my lovely friend Inga, GF Vegan mac and cheese, green been casserole in a homemade cream of mushroom soup with pecans, sweet potato's and carrots baked in a drizzle of maple syrup, cinnamon and pecans, herb infused popovers, strawberries, apple slices and spirits.

It was so lovely and delicious. We ate our meal on the family plates my husband grew up with, on place mats that my kids made, with napkins I had made earlier this year. While we cooked we listened to music that my friend gave me to brighten my day. Our centerpiece was pumpkins my kids made with me earlier and we were surrounded by dear friends and family. I looked around and was so thankful for the depth of meaning that everything has here. It all has a story, it all has history and life and memories. The people, the surroundings, the food. Everything about this Thanksgiving was very rich and overflowing with blessings and thanksgiving. (I even pulled off an old carpet skirt that I wore in college that I haven't been able to fit into for years. That was a huge bonus!)



The kids were done in record time and went off to play which allowed the adults to sit and savor the meal and each others company. It may sound rehearsed and scripted, but I love going around the table and finding out what everyone is thankful for. It adds depth and allows for greater conversation and makes the meal special.

Afterwards, the furry of activity was miraculous! Everyone pitched in and cleaned until every dish was washed and dry, the table cleaned, garbage taken out, extra tables and chairs put away and we could rest. We turned on the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special for the kids and ate pumpkin and upside down apple pecan pie.

It was soon time for the kids to head off to bed, friends to head home and to turn on our traditional White Christmas movie. This is the way we say good buy to Thanksgiving and bring on the Christmas cheer! One of my dearest friends from college surprised me by stopping by, we make hot chocolate and ate a pumpkin scone and snuggled with the movie on while we chatted away. We didn't make it through the whole movie, but it was wonderful all the same.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. If you were with family or friends, or if you were volunteering somewhere, or on vacation. If you were surrounded by tradition or feeling out of sorts in a new place. Whether you were surrounded by people and feeling alone, or literally spent the day on your own, my hope is that you know you are loved by the one who created you, and that you can see, even in hard moments, days, or years, we can still search and find there is much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am sure others took better pictures, but I was busy, so here is what I snagged to share with you. Mostly so my sister who join us could see and our other Nana and Papa down in TX. Enjoy!

***All recipes were gotten from Gluten Free Goddess, Simply Sugar and Gluten Free and Living Without websites. Enjoy!***

Traveling with Little people

I don't have pictures for this blog because lets be honest, if we are road tripping or flying, I ain't got that kind of time.

But I did have a friend email me the other day and say, "Dani you travel a lot with your kids and I am taking mine for the first time on a plane for the holiday's, any tips or ideas?" I have a few, so I thought I would share them with you all.

Disclaimer, I am not an expert at this, however I have flown dozens of times with my kids alone and sometimes with my husband to help. There have a been a few things I learned by making mistakes along the way. Please learn from me and save yourself the grief, stress, meltdown, and judgement.

1. Understand that you can't judge other families traveling, whether they are behaving or misbehaving. You are only catching a glimpse of that family's story and if we are truly honest, each family in the world at one point or another is the family everyone wants to be, or no one wants to be. We all have great moments where we stand proud because somehow it all worked out, and we all have those moments where we want to scream at everyone, "Please don't judge me! They usually aren't like this! I'm usually not like this! We are better people I promise." SO...leave the judging at home. For others and yourselves.

2. Take the week to prepare and include your kids help. Talk about the trip, let them pack their stuff, with your help of course, and give them a list to follow. Allowing your kids to help gives them ownership and makes them feel important and needed. When they help lead, they are better behaved.

3. During the preparing stage, I always use "team" language. We do this occasionally at home as well on normal days, but when you are going on an adventure, team language is important. We are a team. We stick together. Each person on the team has their job and we need each other. We even do a little prayer before we leave and stick our hands together and shout, go team! Lame? Absolutely! Cheesy? Totally! Works? YES!

4. If you have time, go to the library a couple days before the trip and pick out a couple books about flying if you are flying, road construction if you are driving, the city where you are going, the holiday you are celebrating. A couple special books that they aren't books they are used to, usually means they are more excited to read them, they get to learn something new and again, they are apart of the process. While you are there, make sure to pick a couple stories on CD or download them into your fancy Iwhatever so you have a story to listen to. Follow along books with Cd's are the best. They get to look at it, and you don't have to read it. (If you were wondering, we don't watch movies when we travel. I do bring one as a back up, you ALWAYS need back up, but as a rule, we just don't.)

5. This may sound silly and over the top, but because I live in the kitchen, my kids help me make/bake a special snack for the trip. We would make granola bars together, and what was great about these is they are super healthy and I only made them for road trips, so it made them extra special. I also include my kids in the list making for the trip, the grocery shopping, and the food packing. They help pick out their veggie, their fruit, and their different meals. We don't eat when we travel, even before diet restrictions, because it added extra time, was more expensive, packing our own food was healthier, and I could always then use it as leverage for a reward if I needed it. Now I would always pack a surprise food that they don't know about. (It's all about leverage!) And when they have been apart of the whole process, who doesn't like a surprise!

6. Another extra bonus item if you have time is making a new fun travel CD of music that the kids are into. I try to add a song or two from all the different music they love to listen to, or the theme song to their favorite show, or just plain old silly kid songs. On a road trip this works really well. In the airport when you are stranded, it also really works well. If I had an Ipod or phone or pad, I would mix up a great little something for kids and play that.

7. For you for traveling:
* Don't drink beverages. The less you need to go to the bathroom the better. It's hard to be patient when you've been holding it for an hour.

* When flying don't wear jewelry, wear comfy clothes and slip on shoes. Yes, the low maintenance of your outfit helps with getting through security.

* Pack a small bag that has ONLY what you need to survive the trip. Itinerary, money, licence, credit cards. All in one place so you know where it is, but KEEP IT PROTECTED.

* Pack empty water bottles to fill once you are through security so that you always have water when you need it. (Then you also don't have to worry about the spilling airplane cups if you have really little people. Keep a lid on it people!)

8. For your kids:
* If they can't tie shoes yet, don't put them in tie shoes no matter how cute they are. Save it for your destination. You don't need the hassle.

* They can carry their own little travel backpack with a change of clothes and some toys that you have approved. Their clothes should be low maitenance, even for the car.

* Their back pack can also contain their own water bottle and first snack.

* Give them each a job. If they are old enough, they can push a stroller in the airport or help haul a suitcase. If you are driving, someone can be in charge of managing the food, the toy clutter, looking for gas stations, helping get the smaller ones shoes back on. Be creative, just make sure everyone has a job on the team and is needed.

9. For the trip:
* Have a small bag with emergency items: band aids, neosporin, chap stick, lotion, nail clippers, thread and needle, Kleenex, head medicine, stomach medicine, wipes, tide pen, small pad of paper, pen. I might be missing something, but you get the idea.

* Have an emergency toy bag. For flying, it can be a very small bag with playing cards, uno cards, and pull out 10 matches from your memory game and you have a smaller travel version. I also like to always keep my eye on the dollar store or target dollar section and see what they might have. One year they had small etch a sketches for a $1. Perfect as a surprise. When you are driving, put a couple good car toys in a bag that your kids don't know about. This way when they are bored and done with the toys they brought, you have something new for them. Small chalk boards, special coloring books, a clip board with a bunch of dot or tick tack toe games drawn out already, sewing cardboard activity. It can be anything.

For Flying:
* If you are flying, pay the extra money for a direct flight if possible. Surviving a plane ride is harder once the novelty has worn off.

* If you are flying, if one person has to pee, make them all do it. If no one has to pee, make them do it before you get on the plane, and once you land. You don't need the hassle of dealing with it on the plane, or once you have all your luggage.

For Driving:
* If you are driving, you are not above peeing on the side of the road. Seriously, if you have more than one kid, it is not the worth the hassle of unloading everyone and putting on everyone's coats and shoes. Pull that one kid out, let them do their business, and get back on the road.

* If you are driving, it does pay off to start the trip extra earlier in the morning, say 4am. This way it is still dark, the kids will go back to sleep and you get a couple hours of quiet while driving.

* Make sure you have emergency car tools and a blanket, flashlight, and a triple AA phone number.

* If you can swing it, make sure when you stop, you pick a place that meets all of your needs at once. Gas, food, and bathroom.

And if you want to feel better about your parenting skills, listen to these stories.

Once when Paul and I were flying home from Haiti at 8pm, we just got Big back from my in-laws. He was about 13 months and I was 6 months pregnant, and it was past his bedtime. Big cried for the first 20 min. of the flight and then screamed on the floor at our feet for the rest of the plane ride, which was an hour and half long. Food, hugs, bottles, toys, walking, nothing worked. He was besides himself, probably from excitement, tiredness and wanting to be home. I have never gotten so many dirty looks from so many people leaving a plane before, it was bad.

Another time, I was going up the escalator with Big, middle, and little who was 2 months old and in the stroller. I know, you aren't supposed to go on the escalator with a stroller, but the elevator was so far away! My kids love the escalator, so I chanced it going up. Well, middle had a panic once we were on and started to try to get off, but trying to catch him, made part of the stroller slip. They had to turn off the escalator for the lady who was holding a 3yr old by the arm as he has fallen head first down the escalator, and holding the stroller with her other hand and hip as it's tipped slightly to the side. Big just stood up at the top looking terrified. And yes, I learned my lesson, and yes I got a lecture from the TSA agent.


So, remember to have fun and be patient with yourself and your kids. With little people, its always about the journey and not the destination.

Happy traveling! And if you have great helpful hints, don't forget to add them here!

Meal Plan

I believe in the healthy idea of meal planning. It allows you to take five or fifteen minutes at one point of your week, instead of more than an hour throughout the week trying to figure out to feed everyone.

Especially in a diet restricted home, I need to do this to ensure that my husband still gets meat, my children have no red meat, and I am trying to eliminate meat all together. On top of satisfying everyone with what they want.

We usually do this on Sunday and everyone can pick one meal they want that week, so that everyone knows they have a voice in the matter. Than I look at when Paul is gone, that's when I serve a meal I know he doesn't like. I look at what we are doing that week and when we need crock pot meals and when we can eat leftovers. I also try to pair that up with what's on sale and what is in our house and cupboards that I need to use up so it doesn't go bad. So many pieces to put together it seems, but in the end, I am much less stressed when it comes to meal time.

I love to cook, but the expectation of cooking three times a day gets tiring. This is my attempt to curve stress, reduce the trips to the grocery store, and limit the complaining. All these things I believe lead to a healthier life. Less gas being used, more time at home doing what we want, and less stress for my heart and soul, which also means probably less frustrated cries for help or yelling on my part. That's better for everyone.

Well, my folks get in on Tuesday night for Thanksgiving and I am so stoked! What I love about my parents is that even coming to have fun, they always want to help. But truth be told, I don't want to spend my time while they are here going to the grocery store and cooking the whole time or trying to figure out what to eat. That question stresses me out to a very severe level these days. I want all the groceries bought and the plan figured out before they get here so I can make what I can ahead of time, have less time in the kitchen and more time in relationship with them doing fun things with my kids.

So I made a plan. Wednesday is Thanksgiving prep day so I wanted limited time in the kitchen for meals for that day. Friday I will be tired of being in the kitchen the whole day before. Friday we will also have friends over for lunch, and then head to the light parade on Friday night. Saturday is get the tree day, decorate the tree and prep for Waller Christmas on Sunday. Putting all those things into consideration, this is what I came up with.

(I am not fancy yet enough to figure out how to add links to my blog, so most recipes I either adapted, or found with Gluten Free Goddess, Simply Sugar and Gluten Free or Living Without.) Enjoy!

Wednesday:
Breakfast - Pumpkin oatmeal, banana's
Lunch - Lettuce wraps with egg salad, carrots, country style potato's
Dinner - Mushrooms/sun dried tomato's in a white wine sauce over GF noodles

Thursday:
Breakfast - Pumpkin scones, strawberries
Lunch - Chips/bean dip/guacamole/salsa, grapes, cucumbers
Dinner - Thanksgiving Feast - another blog!

Friday:
Breakfast - Fruit and Spinach smoothies, hard boiled eggs
Lunch - Chicken, beans, salsa Mex dish over rice in crock pot
Dinner - Turkey sandwiches, veggies, hot cocoa at parade

Saturday:
Breakfast - Scrambled eggs with spinach, grapes
Lunch - chili in thermos' at tree farm with apple slices and almonds
Dinner - Leftovers and popcorn while we decorate tree

Sunday:
Breakfast - Granola with raisins, cucumbers, and country style potato's
Lunch - BBQ Chicken and baked root veggies
Dinner - Leftovers

Snacks: veggies, nuts, fruit, popcorn and LarBar's for the road.

I love that I don't have to think about this now and can just enjoy my parents visit. I hope you also feel inspired and ready to make your own weekly meal plan. It really is one of my greatest stress relievers.

Now if only I could start that great idea of once a month cooking. That would really save me time.

Happy T week.